Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 08:24 AM
by: back_gammon
cont...
Sun’s thoughts raced while she threw on some clothes. If she could just make it out the front door…
Fully dressed now, she tiptoed out into the hallway and as close to the living room as she dared. What were Jin and her father doing? Why were they whispering now?
Suddenly she heard them over by the front door. Jin was bidding her father a hasty goodnight, and she soon heard his footsteps coming back across the living room. Sun dashed into the bedroom, sat on the edge of the bed, and composed herself as best she could.
Soon enough, Jin walked in, smiling that dangerous smile of his. But what was he holding, hidden behind his back? She closed her eyes. She could smell the jasmine scented soap faintly still on the last traces of dissipating shower steam.
Jin kissed her. And then he kissed her again. “Open your eyes, Sun.”
Jin had the biggest grin on his face. “I’m sorry Bo-po ruined your surprise for me.” He held up the trashy lingerie which was chewed and shredded. “You must take Bo-po to obedience school before he tears up any more of your good surprises.”
Sun almost collapsed with relief. What glorious fools husbands and wives had to pretend to be to keep their marriages from falling apart. But that did it. No more Fifi Velour. Her heart couldn’t take any more surprises.
But that didn’t mean her husband couldn’t. She smiled wickedly at Jin. “Speaking of obedience school…”
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 10:09 AM
by: LIONARTist
SUN BURN
Chapter 3
Claire had gotten Jack and Jack had gotten back to where Sun knelt with both knees holding Charlie's hand with both of her hands in a helping gesture.
"What is wrong with Charlie now!" Bellowed Jack, in his authoritatively strong and masculine doctor voice.
"It was the mangos", replied Sun. "They must've gestated in Claire's stomach lining and created a toxic gas to which Charlie is extremely and deathly allergic to".
"We've got to get Charlie into the hatch!" Shouted Jack.
"Why are you shouting" said Claire. "We're right here not 3 feet from each other's persons".
Just then Jack gave a rectal honk.
"Oh no!" exclaimed Charlie. "Did you have the mangos too?"
"No" said Jack. "I had the kiwis with cheese and butter sauce. Also asparagus and broccoli".
"God help us" stated Sun, who was now chopping off her own nose with a fishbone.
Together, they all ran towards the spot in the jungle where they knew the location of the hatch was just waiting for them to enter into.
As they ran they all got the whistle-britches.
Phwee-toot-poot-belch-Phwee-toot-poot-belch-Phwee-toot-poot-belch-Phwee-toot-poot-belch-Phwee-toot-poot-belch-Phwee-toot-poot-belch-Phwee-toot-poot-belch-Phwee-toot-poot-belch-Phwee-toot-poot-belch-Phwee-toot-poot-belch-Phwee-toot-poot-belch-Phwee-toot-poot-belch.
It was about 200 yards. But I'll spare you the narrative. Well, maybe just one more.
Phwee-toot-poot-belch!
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 10:18 AM
by: captainaeon
Phwee-toot-poot-belch!
It is official!
Lion is the King of Gaseous Literary Emissions!!!
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 11:00 AM
by: LIONARTist
SUN BURN
Chapter 4
As our 4 friends and the babee entered the beginning part of the jungle where the green parts meet with the gritty sand, they all stopped dead in their tracks. Not really dead as in not breathing. Although Charlie was almost to that point. But they were stopping in a very fast manner which halted all movement from their bodies.
"What's that!" exclaimed Claire!
They all turned and bent at the neck to look with their eyes. (Thanks to Backgammon for that).
Up ahead in the jungle next to some big palm trees, there appeared a big, humongous, gigantic black cloud which swirled in an almost clockwise motion to the gravitational pull of the earth. There accompanied the cloud-like phenomenon, a noise-like phenomenon of epic proportions which sounded like all the machines of the world doing the horizontal mambo.
"Housenfeffer!" Yelled Jack.
All the others just looked at Jack like he was crazy insane.
Just then, Locke stepped out from behind the bushes where the cloud originated from in the location of there.
"Those mangos sure are sumthin", he threw out for everybody's informational purposes. "I ate about 20".
All of them turned without making a noise or statement of any adjunctory specification, and they ran as fast as their hearts would bear the burden of the blood-pumping into their legs.
"Where are we going?!!!" Shouted Charlie, above the din which their many running feet and flatulent emenations created.
"To see a man about a Volkswagen" stated Jack, just that matter-of-factly as he pushed out the wind beneath his cheeks.
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 11:08 AM
by: dad_of_4_
lol - jack tooted
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 11:12 AM
by: back_gammon
It is official!
Lion is the King of Gaseous Literary Emissions!!!
Yay though I walk through the valley of cataclysmic emissions converters, I will fear no weavils, nor papayas, for LION's ART will comfort me...
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 11:58 AM
by: Hatchcrazy
This thread is more fun than eating twenty mangoes!
I love the "they bent at the neck" thing
and also LION had me absolutely dying at:
"ress....resessa...recassita....CPR."
THE VOLCANO HAS A HISSY-FIT
----------------or---------------------
Embittered coolant for a new world
''''''''''''''''''''''''Sure, Hanso had said that there was a volcagno. Hanso said a lot of things. Like 'I like chocolate lollipops' and 'Get me that roll of paper towels, b!tch!' Yeah, Alvar was pretty much fried at this point. But he still could bring it during stockholder meetings "I want to see that p\e ratio up or I will rip out your gonads with a gardening tool!!" and at his botany club meetings "I want a bag of african violet mix pronto or I will rip out your gonads with...with..." he looked around the room fugitively. His eye fell down the desk. "With this letter opener!!Scum!"
''''''''''''''''''''''''''But now,now was the time of time being short for him, not midget short but still the October of his years...he still had leaves on his tree (EEEEEWWW!!). He had a good man in mind for a mission. A mission of hope. Hope and Faith. Faithful hope. Hopeful Faith. He needed a percodan.
''''''''''''''''''''''''''Into Alvar Hanso's office walked a tall, handome man with keen eyes. Eyes that could fool you for twenty days or so. "You'll be meeting him at the Tehrani Disco." Hanso said. "I hate that place!" keen eyes said."All they have for food is khlauogh khalosch!" "You don't have to go win, he'll be in his car in the parking lot. Get in, he'll ask for the password. After that , your on your own." Hanso stroked and curled his invisible beard with his indivisible hands. "He will ask 'what did one showman say to the other showman? Do you know what to say?"
"Yes" Goodwin replied "Do you smell contracts?"
NEXT: E PLURIBUS UNUM; A CWAZY ISLAND MASH-UP!!
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 01:04 PM
by: Hatchcrazy
She was up on all fours now whimpering softly. She looked at the yellow lab. His beautiful brown eyes were full of fear and he too was on all fours.
...............................................................
"Nasty gash you got there. Does it hurt?"
Yiiiiiiiii!!!!!!
This is like two modifiers away from becoming a doggy island porno.
(page 8)
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 02:01 PM
by: LIONARTist
SUN BURN
Chapter 5
Sun ran on alone. She had managed to ditch the others by faking an old war wound injury.
"Oh, my old war wound injury!" she had said. "You go that way around the old caves and I'll meet you later. Here's my REAL telephone number in case I don't see you".
Now she was running in the opposite direction, down the beach. She had lost her shoes and the sand was so hot you could fry a gritty sandy egg on it, if you wanted to have sand in your stomach along with your fried egg.
"Ow-ow-ow-ow!" she cried with each burning step. Her colon began to rumble again.
"Ow-toot-ow-toot-ow-toot-ow-toot!"
Sun was making quite a spectacle of herself as she trotted and tooted down the hot gritty sandy beach.
Sand was being blown in all directions behind her from the force of her expulsions.
Just then Jin stepped out from behind a big rock. It was big enough to where Sun couldn't see what he was doing behind the back side of it and she wondered about this fact as she ran.
"JIN!" she yelped. "JIN!" she bajorba-ed. "JIN!" she bellowed, with masticating actions in her dental department.
"What?" Jin finely answered.
"Did you eat the mangos?!!!" Sun inquired in a hasteful gesture of suspisciousity.
His answer came just as the two lovers met in a bearhug of gentle but raucous admiration.
"Yes" he said as they both exploded in a messy pulpish grotesque jamboree of flesh and bone.
It made this noise - "poot".
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 03:28 PM
by: Hatchcrazy
E PLURIBUS UNUM: A KWAZY ISLAND MASH-UP!
-----------------------------------------------------------
''''''''''''''''''''''''''The chart. The chart had revealed all like a window reveal holding some veal. That's a lotta veal. Marvin had looked at this thing from all angels and it pointed only to at the one solution. Not just four people, but dozens, forty eight to be precise would be the missing link to the bridge over the river kwai circling the circle of life. He knew he knew this, but why? He glanced off the computer printout but all it said was: "tHis thREAd OwNEd bY AdeE!" of which he could make nothing. When they were all on the island then Hanso would get off his back and back into his tinted window office building.
''''''''''''''''''''''''The chart charted the steps nessassarry to build the perfect human. A piece here, a peice there, and soon you had a doctor/tracker/warrior/soldier/blonde/bass-playing/Korean/ that would be immune from the sickness and able to leap tall plot lines with ease. Also they would 'poosh de button' as Danielle kept kneading him. There was something about her.....something French. He couldn't put his finger on it because it got eaten by Hanso's stupid talking Ape. The Ape didn't even apologise, which really rankled. Marvin sighed a long time than those sighs were meant to be, but still it irked. The bald man would be the hardest, and the baldest. He looked at the shaver with it's quadruple blades. What man could resist this? What manner of man, indeed. Hanso was going to have to get his own chicken tempura from now on. Marvin was movin' on up, lifting it up, to a deluxe apartment in a high rise. He'd finally got a piece of the pie.
NEXT: BUTTERCUP OR BUTTAFUOCO?
----------------------or------------------------
Why does this plane have a bulls-eye on the bottom?
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 08:41 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
The Incident at Tomahawk Ridge
Weepy Jack leaned over the glistening, heaving chest of Sawyer with admiration and a little lust; Jack was a man, after all. Jack thought he heard Sawyer whisper something, not literally “something”, but something else…not “something else”, but…nevermind.
“I love her,” maimed Sawyer intensively. “I love her,” he repeated again.
“What?” Jack coerced and cajoled.
“Who do you love?” Bo Diddley inquired.
“Hey Bo Diddley.” Jack be nimbled.
Kate sneaked in at that moment and exploded Bo Diddley right before Jack’s weeping eyes with a gas pipe and big blow torch.
“Why did you do that?” Jack thwarted galumphingly.
“For the insurance,” Kate parried with a flick of her machete. “Just give me an hour before you start crying again.”
“What insurance?” Jack be spryed. He eyed Kate with his eyes and thought she was one dangerous gal with his mind. He commented what he should do next, unfortunately Kate heard his comment.
“Why are you commenting what you should do next?” Kate sliced the air of tension with her carving knife. She took a step away from Jack who was spry and nimble much like Harrison Ford and the Millennium Falcon.
“I didn’t mean to comment, I meant to contemplate,” retorted Jack retortfully and somewhat regretfully.
“Why are you saying that somewhat regretfully?” machine-gunned Kate looking at him with eyes of steel and some gold plating.
“I didn’t say that out loud. You’re reading my speech descriptors,” Jack said mutedly lest Kate hear him.
Immediately, there was moaning that drew their attention; it was coming from the floor. That confused Jack further then he had ever been confused before and boy had he been confused before now as in the present circumstances.
Kate knew what the moaning meant; she had heard this moaning before like in the past, not the present time. It reminded her of time she blowed up Roy Orbison. Although, if she were honest with herself she would have to admit that Roy’s moaning was more high pitched than Bo’s was, but Kate couldn’t be honest even with herself so she went back and erased her memory descriptor lest she hear herself.
“Man, that was a close call,” Kate sliced and diced to herself. Lies were all she could hold onto. All she could trust in this world…island. That and Jack’s weepiness. And her murderous streak. And her attraction to Sawyer…and Jack. And her relationship with Sayid whose technologies she enjoyed breaking. She thought as she clamped her hand over Bo’s nose and mouth.
“What are you doing, Kate? He’s still breathing!” exclaimed Jack with an exclamation pointing at Kate with fear.
Kate knocked the pointing exclamation out of Jack’s hands with her baseball bat reminding her of the time she and Tom kissed. “Jack, I am perfectly aware of what I’m doing and as a doctor you should understand that,” pureed Kate slurpily.
“First of all, slurpily is not even a word. Thricely, I have killed plenty of patients and you have to nick the hepatic artery,” wept Jack hysterically and with emotion and stoicism. He moved towards Kate in an emotionally bereft manner, tripping over the gas pipe she had discarded like a pair of dirty old underwear from an eighty-year old man.
“I heard that,” dissected Kate in that way women do.
“Heard what?” moaned Jack…no, not moaned, that would get him killed…emoted Jack. There, that’s better, Jack thought to himself just like Harrison Ford would.
“I heard you fall on the gas pipe I used to blow up Bo with,” tortured Kate woefully and with a snap of her fingers. She hoped Jack didn’t hear the snap of fingers that were hers for that would reveal her true lustful feelings for Sawyer to Jack.
“Of course you heard me fall on it. You saw me fall on it too, unless you’ve slept with a hooker recently and you are farsighted,” doctored Jack knowingly and without remorse. He wanted to also say “Unagi” wisely, but he was aware like no one’s business that Kate had not attended college and would not understand.
“It means salmon skin roll and you’ve just ruined the secret Santa gift I was going to give you,” battered Kate while smothering the life out of Bo who knew too.
That made Jack cry and weep uncontrollably while leaking from his eyes.
To be continued...
Posted: Dec 13 2005 @ 06:33 AM
by: LIONARTist
like a pair of dirty old underwear from an eighty-year old man.
I was wondering where those had got to.
Posted: Dec 13 2005 @ 06:33 AM
by: LIONARTist
One of the worst yet, Slap. I wept.
Posted: Dec 13 2005 @ 07:13 AM
by: LIONARTist
That confused Jack further then he had ever been confused before and boy had he been confused before now as in the present circumstances.
Slaaaap. You're sounding like some other people we know.
THEN
1. At that time: I was still in school then. Come at noon; I'll be ready then.
2. Next in time, space, or order; immediately afterward: watched the late movie and then went to bed.
3. In addition; moreover; besides: It costs $20, and then there's the sales tax to pay.
4. Used after but to qualify or balance a preceding statement: The star was nervous, but then who isn't on the first night of a new play.
5. In that case; accordingly: If traffic is heavy, then allow extra time.
6. As a consequence; therefore: The case, then, is closed.
THAN
1. Used after a comparative adjective or adverb to introduce the second element or clause of an unequal comparison: She is a better athlete than I.
2. Used to introduce the second element after certain words indicating difference: He draws quite differently than she does.
3. When. Used especially after hardly and scarcely: I had scarcely walked in the door than the commotion started.
Asshattiness took over.
Posted: Dec 13 2005 @ 08:55 AM
by: LIONARTist
I don't want to be dissin any gay cowboys. But shouldn't that movie be called "Bare Butt Mounting"?
Posted: Dec 13 2005 @ 09:53 AM
by: back_gammon
We interrupt this escalating thread of obfuscating fiction for a biased opinion disguised as a news report.
I am just thrilled that one of my all time favorite mad geniuses, Stephen Chow Sing-Chi, has just received a golden globe nomination. His 2004 film, Kung Fu (aka Kung Fu Hustle), which he wrote, directed, starred in, as well as produced, has been nominated for best foreign film.
Here's a link if anyone is interested.
http://www.lovehkfilm.com/reviews_2/kung_fu_hustle.htm
And now back to our regular programming...
Posted: Dec 13 2005 @ 10:15 AM
by: LIONARTist
I loved Kung Fu Hustle. The part where they were trying to throw the knives had me on the floor.
Posted: Dec 13 2005 @ 12:01 PM
by: back_gammon
Growing the Wrong Way
Growing the wrong way, the shiny razors of Dr. Jack was not needed for hairs that was, in fact, curling inward on the island, which nobody knew where they were.
But Locke, being the only one else, always had to put in his two boars, since he’d clearly lost his oars. The water was boiling.
“Jack!” Locke’s lips proclaimed themselves. The legs of Locke was good and sturdy today. His two bluish colored eyes was all bleached out from the brutal blaring of the sun, but his dome on the beach was tanned to perfection.
“Locke!” The mouth of Jack retorted back. Staring at the shiny razors, both hands reached for the strap of sharpening. No shaky hands for Jack so near the boiling water.
Sayid walked up, on the side of Jack. “So you are preparing to scrape the hairs from the two boars, perhaps in preparation for tanning the hide and fashioning some exquisitely beautiful high-heeled sandals?” His look at me lips quivered.
“Oh!” The mouth of Locke quickly discharged and spat out his confusion. Did Sayid have a foot fetish, his mouth wanted to know?
“Huh?” the tanned neck of Jack coiled in a tight rope of tension.
Suddenly, a loud long – somewhere – agonizing grunt-like – over there - scream was heard by the men off in the bushes...
Cont…
Posted: Dec 13 2005 @ 01:20 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
The Incident at Tomahawk Ridge (continued)
"Dud, is Bo Diddley breathing under the tarp?" Hurley galumphed frequently. He continued digging the grave of Bo, but with less behemoth than before.
"Bo is not bloody breathing, Hurley! When Kate kills someone, they stay dead," screeched Charlie in that poncy way of his while spitting mango bits from between his teeth or rotting humps of ivory as Charlie affectionately referred to his mandibular partitions.
Hurley dodged the mango bits emitting from Charlie's mandibular partitions in his spry, but choking manner. "Yeah dud, about Ethan..." Hurley started startledly in his stop and go fashion of the 80s.
"Hurley! Pay bloody attention! Ethan's dead, Bo is dead and your not a millionaire," ponced Charlie bollocky while arsing with the shovel.
But I am a millionaire, Hurley seamed to himself in that stitch-splitting way he had with his thoughts. Maybe Charlie's wrong about Ethan and Bo, Hurley sighed heavily with girth.
"Hurley! I heard that stitch-splitting you were doing and you are not a bloody poncing, arsing millionaire!" rotting teeth Charlie annoyed vehemently speaking.
"Dud, I didn't say anything," churned Hurley like butter and goat's milk moving into his ninja stance in case Charlie had recently eaten some shrapnel.
Charlie moved into his girly runway pose just in case Hurley was flirting with him. "Your bloody stitch-splitting gave your inner thoughts away," spit Charlie with major amounts of ham projectiling.
"Good lord, Hurley...if you won't off the little runt, I will!" cursed Bo Diddley from beyond the grave...ten feet beyond the grave under the tarp and through the looking glass to grandma's house.
"DUD!! I told you!" elephanted Hurley peanuttily while Charlie started stabbing coconuts out of fear.
Suddenly there is a rustling in the trees nearby and Sayid appeared carrying a gaggle of shell phones he was developing for god knows what reason.
"Charlie, I too have been through a traumatic event of biblical proportions and violence against coconuts is not the answer," Sayid torturiously danced while swinging his numchucks about only how an ex-Republican can do.
Charlie was stunned, but what else was new. "Sayid! Don't just dance there swinging your numchucks about like an ex-Republican...tell Hurley he's not a millionaire," bloodied arsing Charlie impetiously bedeckled like a leprachan high on maryjane.
Sayid discontinued dancing and swinging his numchucks just in time to deflect a piece of shrapnel ejecting from Charlie's mandibular partition.
Hurley was glad he had remained in his ninja stance...it saved his life.
To be continued...or not
Posted: Dec 13 2005 @ 02:05 PM
by: back_gammon
Cont…
...From the loins down with their powerful buttocks well exercised, Jack, Locke, and Sayid tore off glistening toward the bushes. Big green leaves slapped at their powerful thighs, making a sound like snapping towels in a locker room. But the agonizing grunting was all gone by the time they arrived.
Squatting down, they found Hurley trying to put on some dignified air. It was the last can of aerosol dignified air and Hurley quickly hid it.
“Hurley, why did you scream?” questioned the always probing Sayid.
“Look!” Hurley pointed at the jungle floor.
All eyes looking there, a pair of toes peeked out from the jungle floor.
“What!” said Sayid, Locke, and Jack in unison! "What is that??!!"
Collapsing their pelvises to see better, all four men looked hard before rocking back on their heels in a swoon.
Toes, beautifully manicured toes, growing upward, just breaking through the surface of the rich, moist, fertile, loam of the jungle floor...
Posted: Dec 13 2005 @ 03:36 PM
by: captainaeon
Collapsing their pelvises to see better, all four men looked hard before rocking back on their heels in a swoon.
Toes, beautifully manicured toes, growing upward, just breaking through the surface of the rich, moist, fertile, loam of the jungle floor...
You have leapt high into the air and landed back on the ground somewhere between Salvadore Dali and Robert Maplethorpe!
Must have more...
Posted: Dec 13 2005 @ 03:38 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
ROTFLMAO
Posted: Dec 13 2005 @ 06:02 PM
by: back_gammon
cont…
Sayid was the first to recover from the group swoon because of long military training and extensive practice.
Crawling on all fours toward the toes, thighs glistening like oiled gladiators, nothing appeared dirty to Sayid. Just toes. Pristine toes.
Arousing next, Hurley came close behind Sayid. Perhaps because he was something of a warrior himself and not afraid, he reached between them with his index finger. Dry. Dry as a bone.
Groaning and moaning together, Locke and Jack were the last to revive. Not to be outdone by Sayid and Hurley, Locke quickly crawled forward and gave each a sniff.
Seeing what was happening, Jack had to get on top of everything. “What do we know now that we didn’t before?” he asked, quickly taking charge and bunching his manly firm thighs and crawling close to reinsert himself in a place of authority.
“The smell is good, said Locke. Sweat was glistening and running down his tanned face and neck.
“There is nothing dirty whatsoever,” came Sayid’s pronouncement.
Lowering his head by the tightly coiled neck, Jack was trying to examine the nail polish color.
“Got any more?” he asked over his shoulder. Beating down from above, the sun burned with intensity.
“The toes are all dry in between,” Hurley declared.
Suddenly the toes wiggled, this time not sending the men into a swoon, but into a panic. Screaming at the top of their frenzied rock-hard thighs, leaping across logs and puddles and running helter skelter through the thicket, panic stricken, into the jungle without thought or mind to use it, the four men ran, as fast as their bursting lungs would carry them….
Cont…
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Friday, January 5, 2007
Lost on Gilligan's Island
This mash up vid by forbiddensouldoughnu is so good I wish I'd thought of it myself. Actually, I'm just behind on editing the next installment of bad fiction, so I thought I'd post this while I catch up.
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
MANDOM!
And now a word from our sponsor, MANDOM!
In the words of Grady Hendrix at Kaiju Shakedown, "prepare to feel the top of your skull lift off and your brain hover out and zoom around the room."
In the words of Grady Hendrix at Kaiju Shakedown, "prepare to feel the top of your skull lift off and your brain hover out and zoom around the room."
Monday, January 1, 2007
LIONARTist Big Idea Page 8
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 01:53 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
High Laconics
Jack laconically strutted over to Sayid with spurs a-jangling and a-twirling. He wept like cowboys aren’t supposed in the daylight with the spurs cutting grooves in his ankles below the knees. His gun loaded slapped heavingly against his hip underneath his chin of five o’clock shadow. It was only two o’clock, but he was a feminine man with intensive hair growth. The afternoon sun seared off the hot earth under his bleeding strutting feet of cowboy boots. Vultures soared above his weeping head of uncowboy likeness.“Hey pardner,” Jack blubbered laconically to Sayid working on his corral of experimental shell phones. No more pony express for this posse of laconic survivors if Sayid the experimental cowboy had any say and say he did. “Listen mister, we’ve got a problem besides your incessant weepiness,” experimented Sayid in a laconic tone of grey. “It’s allergies to the beating afternoon sun atop my stubbly head,” worried Jack laconically stretching his blooding pool of feet on a shell phone. The vultures above screamed in protest and shame, “Girly!” They kept a-circling the spurred stranger under the menacing sky.“Allergies don’t explain why my shell phones are not picking up any signal. We’re not high enough is the problem,” surmised Sayid in a laconic pool of sweat in his sleeveless fringed undergarment. Jack intensified his look at the experimenter and lifted his spurring ankles from their resting place of comfort and pain. “Pardner, we will need to mosey on over to the plane of Boone’s demise and drugs of Mary,” preparation Jack replied laconically speaking.The vultures overhead of the experimenter and the weepy one looked at each other and soared to the Boone plane of demise ready to round up their carrion since they wouldn’t be checking in any baggage.To be continued…
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 02:23 PM
by: back_gammon
“Allergies don’t explain why my shell phones are not picking up any signal. We’re not high enough is the problem,” surmised Sayid in a laconic pool of sweat in his sleeveless fringed undergarment.
Somebody call Ang Lee on the shell phone!
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 02:25 PM
by: mungonna
..ahemm....The ocean spat out the green loogie of a bottle at Claires wandering attention. Breathing easier it retreated allowing her to claim the glass of green , where so many hopes had been stored, from the foaming froth of the sea....She knew, oh she knew, what that green glass capsule had meant for everyone, everyone on the island and everyone on the boat. She no longer enjoyed the sunny beach because she knew. She knew what had to be done ....." Charlie, would you please change Aaron's diaper!" she said holding her nose in one hand and hiding the glass of spoiled green hopes behind her back...." Right Mate!" Charlie responded quickly, " I'm on it!"..." I need to go see Shannon about ..some woman problems. Keep an eye out for the Others , will ya?" Claire lied thru her green teeth...." I got your back!" Charlie promised....Claire found Shannon as she was cleaing the jam out from her toenails with a sea urchin quill..." Look what I found!" Claire expressed as she diverted Shannon's focus from the green jam between her big toe toenail...." yea, so whats that got to do with me? Shannon said shrugging her shoulders and curling her mouth into a snarl only worthy of a dead Elvis...." Okay bytch!..Maybe you can tell me where Sun is then. This here green bottle may have meaning for her. She was so green with envy for Jin when the boat left with him." Claire went on without focus... " wait a minute, lets see what these asshats wrote ? Shannon exclaimed as she jumped up and slapped her hands together in glee...".You've got to be kiddin me" Claire said while trying to keep the green with frenzy Shannon away from the green bottle.But Shannon proved too strong and cunning for the still recouperating Claire and soon,,all to soon , the contents of the green glassed bottle were being passed before Shannon's green eyes." heaving bossoms?",,thundering lighting"? " I think I'm gettin,,,BLEEEECCCCK!!!!..Shannon tried to get out as she emptied the green viscous from the bottom of her stomach on to Claires once clean green shirt." HA!..Looks like a bit of Artz there on your lip!" Claire laffed as she flicked the green fleck from Shannons upper lip...." BLEEEEEECCCCK!!!!" repeated Shannon as she doubled over in dry heavedom." Fack You!" Shannon coughed as the green bile dripped from her quivering mouth.......Sun heard the commotion from a short distance and was soon stareing in disbelief at the scene. " This is one of the worse stuff I've ever seen on the island. What is wrong with you people?" She asked as she turned green from the stench....................................
Thats as Low as I am about to go....
MEL
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 02:28 PM
by: back_gammon
...“Moon in my eyes? What’s that supposed to mean?” The fury of Anna was growing. Schreeching in the trees! Schreech! Schreech! The birds was going wild! “I want to learn Kung Fu and carry buckets of water up thousands of steps, stand on one leg on upended logs for hours at a stretch. I want to learn to leap, kick, spin – ““I think what he’s saying,” Hurley interrupted. He bowed respectfully to Montaigne’s sword, “is you’ve got your head up your arse.” Oh! Anna didn’t think once. Clawing out her right eye and going for the left, only Montaigne’s advanced lightning quick leaping ability stopped her from ruining both eyes. Anna held her right eye in her bleeding hands, offering it to Montaigne. Speechless made by the blood, Hurley was a little woozy. Dude! Didn’t see that one coming.Montaigne stared at the eyeball in the hands of Anna and shook his head. Every sound of the jungle went silent. “What do you think Kung Fu will give you, Anna? What do you want? Revenge? Justice?”“I want revenge, you flying silk-worm moron! Those bass turdz killed my----“Zwhoinnnng! Montaigne drew his sword which was trembling with eagerness to split her vile tongue, and maybe send her looking for a Kung Fu orthodontist to boot. Montaigne was not a man to suffer fools....
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 03:13 PM
by: thinking_thing
I bough before youre collcetiv grateness!
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 03:33 PM
by: back_gammon
...Montaigne stood with a drawn sword.“What do you think Kung Fu is, Anna?” Montaigne turned to Hurley, who was now slumping against a tree, dropping into the bushes, woozy and going all geezerated from the blood sightation and of the stress. Montaigne sheathed his loins with a last glance at Anna and girded his steel sword “Hurley knows. He is a true warrior. He knows that the highest level of Kung Fu is the absence of the sword in both the heart and mind.” And with that, he leaped away, until even his rustling silk sound was gone. The eye of Anna was looking at the eye of Anna in her bleeding hands. Both still didn’t see the point of Montaigne that he made.“Hurley, what the heck did that guy just say?” She began to cry and snivel, still uncivil, and still a little, too full of self-entitlement, that Anna. “It makes no sense. Just one big box of stupid paradox.” Woozy and geezerating over his behind in the bushes, the seemingly endless patience of Hurley was about to be LOST….
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 04:10 PM
by: kharmabites
Horribly funny stuff! I love it, like the kind of love the boy in 4th grade has for you, you know, the one who pulls your pigtails and winks at you love, not the kind of love the boy who wipes boogers in your hair has for you, no, that's just gross.
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 04:47 PM
by: captainaeon
Charlie was dreaming he was on stage performing orally. Driveshaft throbbed rhymically, almost musically, as he opened his mouth to spew forth the torrent of lyrics that had been hiding behind his teeth and just below his tongue.Just another day, flying highThrough the blue and vastful skyThe future living in my eyeHow was I to know I soon would die?MONSTER EATS THE PILOT!!!The audience cheered with a moderate to high level of enthusiasm as the lead guitar erupted in a major squinch of music-like notes. Charlie smiled as he banged his Rickenbacker. This was the life...“WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!”Charlie opened his eyes to the smell of ocean waves and baby poo in his nose. “Dude, he needs changing. Again...” Hurley stood there with the squirming bundle of stink lines that was baby Aaron.“Where’s Claire?” Charlie asked with a question of inquisition. After all, this baby and, therefore, it’s stink lines did, after all, belong to her, after all.“She went to talk to Locke,” Hurley said. “I don’t think it’s supposed to be a secret. But sometimes it’s hard to tell. Maybe we should all start winking when we do something that someone else isn’t supposed to know. Like “I’m going to talk to Locke” (wink) would automatically mean it’s a secret. I think that would work out better than me just having to guess all the time what’s supposed to be a secret and what’s not supposed to be a secret. What do you think? Dude? Dude?”Charlie was already a quarter mile down the beach, headed for Locke’s Lodge...“So then I slit the boar’s throat. Blood must has spurted a good four feet!” Locke laughed. He never got tired of telling that story.Claire joined in his bemused amusement. There was something about this man. Creepy, yet enticing. Sort of like the smell of aged cheese...“So Claire,” Locke was saying. “You didn’t come all this way just to hear my boar story again. Why did you come?”“Yes, why?” Charlie jumped out from behind a shrub.Claire--startled at the jumping out of Charlie--gasped as with air. She felt guilty, yet she knew not why, what for or whatever. She felt she could not tell the truth of the situation. Not yet...“Um...I just needed to ask Locke’s advice. That dark-haired woman, the one who killed Shannon has been staring at me, and I wondered if I should say something to her.”Charlie heard Claire’s words and wanted to believe they were as true as non false ones could be. But he felt in his heart they were vastly unreal with a terrible fakeness. His anger burned inside him like a fiery fire of flame.Locke was answering Claire’s put forth query with a wisdom parable about a vole, a see-saw and can of green beans.But, perhaps, Charlie was wrong. Locke was a man. A man who knew stuff. People were always asking him (Locke, not Charlie) for saged advice. Was he (Charlie, not Locke) right to question Claire’s looking-up-to-ness of Locke?Charlie listened quietly, his anger squished down deep, deep inside so it could not squiggle out. At least, not yet. Not until he was ready to show what kind of person he was really made of. He was a man. A man who knew stuff.Just like John Locke...
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 04:48 PM
by: back_gammon
...The legs of Hurley popped and cracked at the knuckles and gave a mighty push, like the coiled tension springs of ferocious pistons that drive big stuff in big engine shafts. But down in front he landed before Anna, soft as a feather pillow. The feelings of Hurley were furious! No way! Beyond furious!“Okay, Anna, you want to learn a Kung Fu stance, I’ll teach you a Kung Fu stance. The most powerful of all.” Hurley was seething. Raging like an 8-cylinder Taurus!Anna stopped sniveling. Taking a few steps back from her bloody palm, her eyeball dropped. The other eye stared, stunned into silence. Hurley had never been seen before this by her eyes like this. “Now pay attention!” Hurley roared. “This is the only Kung Fu you’ll ever need, cause if you master this, you won’t need any of the rest.” Hurley was off the chain! Rumble in the jungle! Both of the legs of Anna went all watery and wanted to run, but one after another they turned to face Hurley because of her making them. Quicker than a Cobra strike, Hurley stuck out his right hand and held it there in that position. He smiled in shy triumph.Anna stood stuck in her own stupid for a moment. Then she began to get it. She finally began to get it. And thus did one-eyed Anna leave behind on the jungle floor the eye with the moon in it. She smiled sort of shy-like and extended her own right hand.And thus did the mighty warrior, Hurley, begin to teach one-eyed Anna to shake hands in friendship, the most powerful Kung Fu stance of all, and the one that makes all the others unnecessary.
The End
(Sorry Anna haters. Even Evil Anna cannot withstand the powerful Kung Fu of the mighty warrior, Hurley.)
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 04:54 PM
by: back_gammon
Locke was answering Claire’s put forth query with a wisdom parable about a vole, a see-saw and can of green beans.
LMAO! Please continue!
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 04:55 PM
by: back_gammon
oopsie daisy! Double post.
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 04:57 PM
by: captainaeon
And thus did the mighty warrior, Hurley, begin to teach one-eyed Anna to shake hands in friendship, the most powerful Kung Fu stance of all, and the one that makes all the others unnecessary.
BRAVO!!! WONDERFUL ENDING!!!I thought for a second there that Hurley was going to teach Ana 'Run Fu'...
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 05:14 PM
by: back_gammon
'Run Fu'... LOL I wish I'd thought of that!
Thanks for saying nice stuff about the ending. I was worried because I know so many folks dislike Anna and probably want to see her get a smack down.
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 05:17 PM
by: captainaeon
Thanks for saying nice stuff about the ending. I was worried because I know so many folks dislike Anna and probably want to see her get a smack down.
The woman ripped out her own eye!!! That was a pretty big smack, IMO!
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 05:26 PM
by: captainsandwich
good stuff. you keep outdoing eachother.
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 05:36 PM
by: captainaeon
good stuff. you keep outdoing eachother.
OUR BAD KNOWS NO LIMITS!!!
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 06:44 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
OUR BAD KNOWS NO LIMITS!!!
I never realized how hard it was to write so badly.
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 07:35 PM
by: LIONARTist
I never realized how hard it was to write so badly.
It has always come easy for me.
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 07:36 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
It has always come easy for me.
No need to brag.
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 07:44 PM
by: captainsandwich
can someone write a story titled Sun Burn, about Sun. not enough Sun stories.
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 05:51 AM
by: LIONARTist
SUN BURN by LIONARTist
Chapter 1
Sun sat on the sandy gritty beach, washing her clothes on a very sandy gritty rock that was half submerged in the sandy gritty salty ocean by the beach, which was littered with literally billions and billions of grains of sand. She dipped each article of clothing, one by one in the surf and thought to herself, "I wonder why I always smell like salty ocean perch?".Then she broke wind. "Phew! I'm glad no one's around to smell that one", she thought out loud to a seagull flying by.Just then, she passed gas again. It was a robust blast which burned a little. The seagull fell from the sky."Must be those mangos", she thought.She put away her wash and turned to walk jovially back to camp, when she heard a roaring sound from the jungle to her right. It started off low and slowly built to a thunderous chorus of gurgles and blasts.Hurley walked out of the trees from the direction that the noise came from in that vicinity of which it eminated."Sorry", he said. "It must be those dang mangos".Many plants and shrubs were turning greyish brown behind him and insects scurried in all directions.Meanwhile, at the same time, on another part of the sandy gritty beach, Charlie was helping Claire feed Aaron. "You'd better take him now" Charlie exclaimed with great reservations, "My nibbles are getting sore"."Okay", the young mother said. There was a subtle hint of bedraggled inconsequence in her voice. Then suddenly, she floated an air biscuit."Whoa!" Charlie shouted. "I'm blind! I'm blind!""Must be the mangos", thought Claire.Chapter 2 will be coming as soon as I can get it out.
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 06:59 AM
by: libbyrocks05
Found this on a fan site....not my writing.....yikes...
Bama opened her eyes. Her breathing was rapid but she seemed to be ok. The last thing she remembers was being in a cage and eyeing the yellow lab across the cargo hold. She was sure he was looking at her too. She sniffed the air. She could smell him. Not to bad she thought. If only I was closer....Her thoughts were rattled by the turbulence of the plane. She was up on all fours now whimpering softly. She looked at the yellow lab. His beautiful brown eyes were full of fear and he too was on all fours. He kind of looked like he'd just spotted a duck or something and she cocked her head in wonder. Suddenly, it was chaos. The cages were sliding back and forth, suitcases flying, the plane jumping wildly. The tail section fell off...she cried out...she was falling. She could no longer see the yellow lab. Splash. Darkness.Bama lifted her head and looked around. She was lying on the beach. She wasn’t sure how she got out of her cage but why question fate. She slowly tried to stand but was weak and wobbly. She took a step and whimpered loudly. Her right paw was hurt. It must have gotten cut as she was escaping her cage. She licked it gently. With her 3 good legs she hopped over to the tree line and laid down in the shade as she was hot from the sun and come to think of it she was a bit hungry too. Her thoughts went back to the yellow lab. Her eyes scanned what she could see of the beach. Nothing. She was alone and that thought did not bode well. She woke hours later to a stick snapping. Her ears perked up and the hair on her hackles stood on end. Something was out there. Bama let out a small growl to warn any oncoming danger that she was not about to go down without a fight. Her eyes looked deep into the jungle and she caught sight of a yellow blob bouncing toward her. She blinked to focus and growled again. The blob stopped. It was very cautious. Its tongue was hanging out and it was panting. A dopey look of "ruh?" was on its face and she relaxed as the yellow lab slowly approached her. She sniffed the air and found familiarity in the wind. It was the other dog from the plane. He nuzzled her head and she was glad to have company. She licked his face and he lay down beside her. Bama saw his collar. His tag said his name was Vincent. "Some ride, huh?" She said shyly.Vincent looked at her. "Yes. Were you scared?"She wanted to say 'What do you think?' but thought better of it and just said "Very. What happened?"Vincent cocked his head again. He didn’t know either and if he could have shrugged his shoulders he would have. He could only say, "I don’t know, but it wasn’t good."Bama licked her paw again. It was really hurting now. "Nasty gash you got there. Does it hurt?"Bama cocked her head as if to say "DUH?" then went back to licking her wound. "My names Bama." She offered. "Vincent." "I know I saw your tag. Why were you on the plane?"
Ok more later.And remember folks.. I'm not an English major.
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 07:05 AM
by: captainsandwich
Chapter 2 will be coming as soon as I can get it out.
ah the fart story. is there anything better?
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 07:11 AM
by: LIONARTist
SUN BURN
Chapter 2
Sun heard Charlie screaming through his throat area as if he were a fire engine going to a four-alarm fire with hoses blasting and the siren going woo-wooo.She dropped her smelly fish laundry and paused. She strained a little and out came a butt-burp. "Mangos", she thought.Then she ran towards the wailing Charlie, letting out tiny short poots as she ran. "Poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot"It was about 40 yards."Poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot""Only about 35 yards left", Sun mused."Poot-poot-poot-poot-poot........"Finally she reached the gritty sandy spot where Claire stood and Charlie laid, flailing about like a tuna on one of those big commercial tuna boats after it had been caught and thrown onto the deck and was dying."What happened here, you two nice but stupid people?" asked Sun."It was the mangos" stated Claire. "Charlie's being such a big baby"."Look" Claire continued, "It doesn't bother Aaron. He hasn't uttered two peeps of a lambs tail. Aaron? Aaron? Damn those mangos".She quickly gave her unconcious baby mouth-to-mouth recessa... ressess....recassita.......CPR."Mommy's sorry" she told her recovering birth child of love.Sun shouted for her to run get Jack. Charlie was bleeding from the eyeball sockets. As Claire ran away, short little rump trumpets began to sound."Toot-toot-toot-toot-toot......"
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 07:14 AM
by: libbyrocks05
SUN BURN 2 is just GENIUS!!!! Do you have your PhD in English? You are amazing!!!!
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 07:22 AM
by: back_gammon
Congratulations to LIONARTist for reaching deep intoot his gut, pulling out all the stops, and finding the literary intestinal fortitude toot take the thread toot new depths of badness! The limbo bar has gone so low it is now buried in the ground!
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 07:25 AM
by: captainsandwich
SUN BURNChapter 2."Toot-toot-toot-toot-toot......"
excellent, might I add:Clare, "I gave birth, that is pain. You have indigestion. Quit your complaining." Charlie replies, "I am giving birth to a baby myself here Clare, take a look at that thing that I just dropped on the beach. I am going to name the bloody thing Brutus."
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 08:11 AM
by: back_gammon
My apologies for this being written rather straightforward. No time to run it through the modifier mangler this morning.
Sun Burns Out
Sun stood in the shower washing off Fifi Velour’s heavy stage makeup. Fifi Velour was the stage name Sun used to disguise her identity when she danced lunch hour gigs at the topless joint. She needed a disguise because it would be a toss up as to who would kill her first if they ever found out, Jin or her father. But Jin was gone most of the time working for her father, and her father almost never ventured out of the private world of luxury, privilege, murder, and mayhem he had built up around himself, and Sun needed something to keep herself busy. She could only study English, shop at fine stores everywhere, and putter about doing indoor herb gardening for so many hours a day. No. That’s a lie. She did it because she liked it. But which part? The pole dancing itself, or having a secret life that her husband and father didn’t know about? Out in the living room, Bo-po was barking his little wrinkled head off. That must be Jin, home early from his latest strong arming assignment. Yes, she knew all about it. She wasn’t stoopid, you know. Sun turned off the water in the shower. Oh no! Sun realized she had left Fifi Velour’s pink suede gee-string and break-away black leather bustier lying on the floor of the bedroom…
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 08:15 AM
by: LostMyMindAgain
See Jack HealHeal, Jack. Heal!See Kate Run.Run, Kate. Run!See Hurley Eat.Eat, Hurley. Eat!See Sun Sow.Sow, Sun. Sow!See Sawyer Sweat.Sweat, Sawyer. Sweat!See Jin Grin.Grin, Jin. Grin!See Claire change a diaper.Change, Claire. Change!See Charlie sing.Sing, Charlie. Sing!See Boone Decompose.Rot, Boone. Rot!See Shannon sleep.Sleep, Shannon. Sleep!See Sayid torture Ana-Lucia!Torture, Sayid. Torture!See Micheal lose control of his bowels over seeing someone type on the computer in the hatch.Sh*t, Micheal. Sh*t!
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 08:18 AM
by: back_gammon
…Sun jumped out of the shower, grabbing a towel, and slipped and skidded across the bathroom floor and out into the bedroom where the thick carpet caught her toe and she began to fall. Jin caught her in his arms, smiling that rakish smile of his. “You’re so happy to see me you almost break your neck rushing to greet me?” His eyes twinkled while he tenderly stroked her soft damp neck, but there was something else there, too. Something dangerous that sent a shiver through her.Sun smiled her warmest and gave Jin a big hug. Around his shoulder her eyes quickly scanned the floor. Fifi Velour’s work outfit was nowhere to be seen…Sun could feel her heart pounding. Had Jin found the trashy strip apparel? Where was it? Jin leaned down to catch Sun’s mouth in a kiss. From the living room, Bo-po started to bark again. Then came the sound of the doorbell. Jin shrugged, gave Sun’s bare shoulder a playful nip, and walked out of the bedroom and toward the front door.Sun tightened the towel about her and quickly searched the bedroom and bathroom. Where was it? How could a pink suede g-string and black leather bustier just vanish into thin air? A frisson of panic shot through her. From the living room came the sound of her father’s voice. He and Jin were talking in low tones, too low for her to understand what they were saying. Suddenly she heard her husband’s voice, raised to a shout...
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
High Laconics
Jack laconically strutted over to Sayid with spurs a-jangling and a-twirling. He wept like cowboys aren’t supposed in the daylight with the spurs cutting grooves in his ankles below the knees. His gun loaded slapped heavingly against his hip underneath his chin of five o’clock shadow. It was only two o’clock, but he was a feminine man with intensive hair growth. The afternoon sun seared off the hot earth under his bleeding strutting feet of cowboy boots. Vultures soared above his weeping head of uncowboy likeness.“Hey pardner,” Jack blubbered laconically to Sayid working on his corral of experimental shell phones. No more pony express for this posse of laconic survivors if Sayid the experimental cowboy had any say and say he did. “Listen mister, we’ve got a problem besides your incessant weepiness,” experimented Sayid in a laconic tone of grey. “It’s allergies to the beating afternoon sun atop my stubbly head,” worried Jack laconically stretching his blooding pool of feet on a shell phone. The vultures above screamed in protest and shame, “Girly!” They kept a-circling the spurred stranger under the menacing sky.“Allergies don’t explain why my shell phones are not picking up any signal. We’re not high enough is the problem,” surmised Sayid in a laconic pool of sweat in his sleeveless fringed undergarment. Jack intensified his look at the experimenter and lifted his spurring ankles from their resting place of comfort and pain. “Pardner, we will need to mosey on over to the plane of Boone’s demise and drugs of Mary,” preparation Jack replied laconically speaking.The vultures overhead of the experimenter and the weepy one looked at each other and soared to the Boone plane of demise ready to round up their carrion since they wouldn’t be checking in any baggage.To be continued…
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 02:23 PM
by: back_gammon
“Allergies don’t explain why my shell phones are not picking up any signal. We’re not high enough is the problem,” surmised Sayid in a laconic pool of sweat in his sleeveless fringed undergarment.
Somebody call Ang Lee on the shell phone!
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 02:25 PM
by: mungonna
..ahemm....The ocean spat out the green loogie of a bottle at Claires wandering attention. Breathing easier it retreated allowing her to claim the glass of green , where so many hopes had been stored, from the foaming froth of the sea....She knew, oh she knew, what that green glass capsule had meant for everyone, everyone on the island and everyone on the boat. She no longer enjoyed the sunny beach because she knew. She knew what had to be done ....." Charlie, would you please change Aaron's diaper!" she said holding her nose in one hand and hiding the glass of spoiled green hopes behind her back...." Right Mate!" Charlie responded quickly, " I'm on it!"..." I need to go see Shannon about ..some woman problems. Keep an eye out for the Others , will ya?" Claire lied thru her green teeth...." I got your back!" Charlie promised....Claire found Shannon as she was cleaing the jam out from her toenails with a sea urchin quill..." Look what I found!" Claire expressed as she diverted Shannon's focus from the green jam between her big toe toenail...." yea, so whats that got to do with me? Shannon said shrugging her shoulders and curling her mouth into a snarl only worthy of a dead Elvis...." Okay bytch!..Maybe you can tell me where Sun is then. This here green bottle may have meaning for her. She was so green with envy for Jin when the boat left with him." Claire went on without focus... " wait a minute, lets see what these asshats wrote ? Shannon exclaimed as she jumped up and slapped her hands together in glee...".You've got to be kiddin me" Claire said while trying to keep the green with frenzy Shannon away from the green bottle.But Shannon proved too strong and cunning for the still recouperating Claire and soon,,all to soon , the contents of the green glassed bottle were being passed before Shannon's green eyes." heaving bossoms?",,thundering lighting"? " I think I'm gettin,,,BLEEEECCCCK!!!!..Shannon tried to get out as she emptied the green viscous from the bottom of her stomach on to Claires once clean green shirt." HA!..Looks like a bit of Artz there on your lip!" Claire laffed as she flicked the green fleck from Shannons upper lip...." BLEEEEEECCCCK!!!!" repeated Shannon as she doubled over in dry heavedom." Fack You!" Shannon coughed as the green bile dripped from her quivering mouth.......Sun heard the commotion from a short distance and was soon stareing in disbelief at the scene. " This is one of the worse stuff I've ever seen on the island. What is wrong with you people?" She asked as she turned green from the stench....................................
Thats as Low as I am about to go....
MEL
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 02:28 PM
by: back_gammon
...“Moon in my eyes? What’s that supposed to mean?” The fury of Anna was growing. Schreeching in the trees! Schreech! Schreech! The birds was going wild! “I want to learn Kung Fu and carry buckets of water up thousands of steps, stand on one leg on upended logs for hours at a stretch. I want to learn to leap, kick, spin – ““I think what he’s saying,” Hurley interrupted. He bowed respectfully to Montaigne’s sword, “is you’ve got your head up your arse.” Oh! Anna didn’t think once. Clawing out her right eye and going for the left, only Montaigne’s advanced lightning quick leaping ability stopped her from ruining both eyes. Anna held her right eye in her bleeding hands, offering it to Montaigne. Speechless made by the blood, Hurley was a little woozy. Dude! Didn’t see that one coming.Montaigne stared at the eyeball in the hands of Anna and shook his head. Every sound of the jungle went silent. “What do you think Kung Fu will give you, Anna? What do you want? Revenge? Justice?”“I want revenge, you flying silk-worm moron! Those bass turdz killed my----“Zwhoinnnng! Montaigne drew his sword which was trembling with eagerness to split her vile tongue, and maybe send her looking for a Kung Fu orthodontist to boot. Montaigne was not a man to suffer fools....
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 03:13 PM
by: thinking_thing
I bough before youre collcetiv grateness!
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 03:33 PM
by: back_gammon
...Montaigne stood with a drawn sword.“What do you think Kung Fu is, Anna?” Montaigne turned to Hurley, who was now slumping against a tree, dropping into the bushes, woozy and going all geezerated from the blood sightation and of the stress. Montaigne sheathed his loins with a last glance at Anna and girded his steel sword “Hurley knows. He is a true warrior. He knows that the highest level of Kung Fu is the absence of the sword in both the heart and mind.” And with that, he leaped away, until even his rustling silk sound was gone. The eye of Anna was looking at the eye of Anna in her bleeding hands. Both still didn’t see the point of Montaigne that he made.“Hurley, what the heck did that guy just say?” She began to cry and snivel, still uncivil, and still a little, too full of self-entitlement, that Anna. “It makes no sense. Just one big box of stupid paradox.” Woozy and geezerating over his behind in the bushes, the seemingly endless patience of Hurley was about to be LOST….
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 04:10 PM
by: kharmabites
Horribly funny stuff! I love it, like the kind of love the boy in 4th grade has for you, you know, the one who pulls your pigtails and winks at you love, not the kind of love the boy who wipes boogers in your hair has for you, no, that's just gross.
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 04:47 PM
by: captainaeon
Charlie was dreaming he was on stage performing orally. Driveshaft throbbed rhymically, almost musically, as he opened his mouth to spew forth the torrent of lyrics that had been hiding behind his teeth and just below his tongue.Just another day, flying highThrough the blue and vastful skyThe future living in my eyeHow was I to know I soon would die?MONSTER EATS THE PILOT!!!The audience cheered with a moderate to high level of enthusiasm as the lead guitar erupted in a major squinch of music-like notes. Charlie smiled as he banged his Rickenbacker. This was the life...“WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!”Charlie opened his eyes to the smell of ocean waves and baby poo in his nose. “Dude, he needs changing. Again...” Hurley stood there with the squirming bundle of stink lines that was baby Aaron.“Where’s Claire?” Charlie asked with a question of inquisition. After all, this baby and, therefore, it’s stink lines did, after all, belong to her, after all.“She went to talk to Locke,” Hurley said. “I don’t think it’s supposed to be a secret. But sometimes it’s hard to tell. Maybe we should all start winking when we do something that someone else isn’t supposed to know. Like “I’m going to talk to Locke” (wink) would automatically mean it’s a secret. I think that would work out better than me just having to guess all the time what’s supposed to be a secret and what’s not supposed to be a secret. What do you think? Dude? Dude?”Charlie was already a quarter mile down the beach, headed for Locke’s Lodge...“So then I slit the boar’s throat. Blood must has spurted a good four feet!” Locke laughed. He never got tired of telling that story.Claire joined in his bemused amusement. There was something about this man. Creepy, yet enticing. Sort of like the smell of aged cheese...“So Claire,” Locke was saying. “You didn’t come all this way just to hear my boar story again. Why did you come?”“Yes, why?” Charlie jumped out from behind a shrub.Claire--startled at the jumping out of Charlie--gasped as with air. She felt guilty, yet she knew not why, what for or whatever. She felt she could not tell the truth of the situation. Not yet...“Um...I just needed to ask Locke’s advice. That dark-haired woman, the one who killed Shannon has been staring at me, and I wondered if I should say something to her.”Charlie heard Claire’s words and wanted to believe they were as true as non false ones could be. But he felt in his heart they were vastly unreal with a terrible fakeness. His anger burned inside him like a fiery fire of flame.Locke was answering Claire’s put forth query with a wisdom parable about a vole, a see-saw and can of green beans.But, perhaps, Charlie was wrong. Locke was a man. A man who knew stuff. People were always asking him (Locke, not Charlie) for saged advice. Was he (Charlie, not Locke) right to question Claire’s looking-up-to-ness of Locke?Charlie listened quietly, his anger squished down deep, deep inside so it could not squiggle out. At least, not yet. Not until he was ready to show what kind of person he was really made of. He was a man. A man who knew stuff.Just like John Locke...
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 04:48 PM
by: back_gammon
...The legs of Hurley popped and cracked at the knuckles and gave a mighty push, like the coiled tension springs of ferocious pistons that drive big stuff in big engine shafts. But down in front he landed before Anna, soft as a feather pillow. The feelings of Hurley were furious! No way! Beyond furious!“Okay, Anna, you want to learn a Kung Fu stance, I’ll teach you a Kung Fu stance. The most powerful of all.” Hurley was seething. Raging like an 8-cylinder Taurus!Anna stopped sniveling. Taking a few steps back from her bloody palm, her eyeball dropped. The other eye stared, stunned into silence. Hurley had never been seen before this by her eyes like this. “Now pay attention!” Hurley roared. “This is the only Kung Fu you’ll ever need, cause if you master this, you won’t need any of the rest.” Hurley was off the chain! Rumble in the jungle! Both of the legs of Anna went all watery and wanted to run, but one after another they turned to face Hurley because of her making them. Quicker than a Cobra strike, Hurley stuck out his right hand and held it there in that position. He smiled in shy triumph.Anna stood stuck in her own stupid for a moment. Then she began to get it. She finally began to get it. And thus did one-eyed Anna leave behind on the jungle floor the eye with the moon in it. She smiled sort of shy-like and extended her own right hand.And thus did the mighty warrior, Hurley, begin to teach one-eyed Anna to shake hands in friendship, the most powerful Kung Fu stance of all, and the one that makes all the others unnecessary.
The End
(Sorry Anna haters. Even Evil Anna cannot withstand the powerful Kung Fu of the mighty warrior, Hurley.)
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 04:54 PM
by: back_gammon
Locke was answering Claire’s put forth query with a wisdom parable about a vole, a see-saw and can of green beans.
LMAO! Please continue!
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 04:55 PM
by: back_gammon
oopsie daisy! Double post.
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 04:57 PM
by: captainaeon
And thus did the mighty warrior, Hurley, begin to teach one-eyed Anna to shake hands in friendship, the most powerful Kung Fu stance of all, and the one that makes all the others unnecessary.
BRAVO!!! WONDERFUL ENDING!!!I thought for a second there that Hurley was going to teach Ana 'Run Fu'...
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 05:14 PM
by: back_gammon
'Run Fu'... LOL I wish I'd thought of that!
Thanks for saying nice stuff about the ending. I was worried because I know so many folks dislike Anna and probably want to see her get a smack down.
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 05:17 PM
by: captainaeon
Thanks for saying nice stuff about the ending. I was worried because I know so many folks dislike Anna and probably want to see her get a smack down.
The woman ripped out her own eye!!! That was a pretty big smack, IMO!
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 05:26 PM
by: captainsandwich
good stuff. you keep outdoing eachother.
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 05:36 PM
by: captainaeon
good stuff. you keep outdoing eachother.
OUR BAD KNOWS NO LIMITS!!!
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 06:44 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
OUR BAD KNOWS NO LIMITS!!!
I never realized how hard it was to write so badly.
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 07:35 PM
by: LIONARTist
I never realized how hard it was to write so badly.
It has always come easy for me.
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 07:36 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
It has always come easy for me.
No need to brag.
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 07:44 PM
by: captainsandwich
can someone write a story titled Sun Burn, about Sun. not enough Sun stories.
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 05:51 AM
by: LIONARTist
SUN BURN by LIONARTist
Chapter 1
Sun sat on the sandy gritty beach, washing her clothes on a very sandy gritty rock that was half submerged in the sandy gritty salty ocean by the beach, which was littered with literally billions and billions of grains of sand. She dipped each article of clothing, one by one in the surf and thought to herself, "I wonder why I always smell like salty ocean perch?".Then she broke wind. "Phew! I'm glad no one's around to smell that one", she thought out loud to a seagull flying by.Just then, she passed gas again. It was a robust blast which burned a little. The seagull fell from the sky."Must be those mangos", she thought.She put away her wash and turned to walk jovially back to camp, when she heard a roaring sound from the jungle to her right. It started off low and slowly built to a thunderous chorus of gurgles and blasts.Hurley walked out of the trees from the direction that the noise came from in that vicinity of which it eminated."Sorry", he said. "It must be those dang mangos".Many plants and shrubs were turning greyish brown behind him and insects scurried in all directions.Meanwhile, at the same time, on another part of the sandy gritty beach, Charlie was helping Claire feed Aaron. "You'd better take him now" Charlie exclaimed with great reservations, "My nibbles are getting sore"."Okay", the young mother said. There was a subtle hint of bedraggled inconsequence in her voice. Then suddenly, she floated an air biscuit."Whoa!" Charlie shouted. "I'm blind! I'm blind!""Must be the mangos", thought Claire.Chapter 2 will be coming as soon as I can get it out.
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 06:59 AM
by: libbyrocks05
Found this on a fan site....not my writing.....yikes...
Bama opened her eyes. Her breathing was rapid but she seemed to be ok. The last thing she remembers was being in a cage and eyeing the yellow lab across the cargo hold. She was sure he was looking at her too. She sniffed the air. She could smell him. Not to bad she thought. If only I was closer....Her thoughts were rattled by the turbulence of the plane. She was up on all fours now whimpering softly. She looked at the yellow lab. His beautiful brown eyes were full of fear and he too was on all fours. He kind of looked like he'd just spotted a duck or something and she cocked her head in wonder. Suddenly, it was chaos. The cages were sliding back and forth, suitcases flying, the plane jumping wildly. The tail section fell off...she cried out...she was falling. She could no longer see the yellow lab. Splash. Darkness.Bama lifted her head and looked around. She was lying on the beach. She wasn’t sure how she got out of her cage but why question fate. She slowly tried to stand but was weak and wobbly. She took a step and whimpered loudly. Her right paw was hurt. It must have gotten cut as she was escaping her cage. She licked it gently. With her 3 good legs she hopped over to the tree line and laid down in the shade as she was hot from the sun and come to think of it she was a bit hungry too. Her thoughts went back to the yellow lab. Her eyes scanned what she could see of the beach. Nothing. She was alone and that thought did not bode well. She woke hours later to a stick snapping. Her ears perked up and the hair on her hackles stood on end. Something was out there. Bama let out a small growl to warn any oncoming danger that she was not about to go down without a fight. Her eyes looked deep into the jungle and she caught sight of a yellow blob bouncing toward her. She blinked to focus and growled again. The blob stopped. It was very cautious. Its tongue was hanging out and it was panting. A dopey look of "ruh?" was on its face and she relaxed as the yellow lab slowly approached her. She sniffed the air and found familiarity in the wind. It was the other dog from the plane. He nuzzled her head and she was glad to have company. She licked his face and he lay down beside her. Bama saw his collar. His tag said his name was Vincent. "Some ride, huh?" She said shyly.Vincent looked at her. "Yes. Were you scared?"She wanted to say 'What do you think?' but thought better of it and just said "Very. What happened?"Vincent cocked his head again. He didn’t know either and if he could have shrugged his shoulders he would have. He could only say, "I don’t know, but it wasn’t good."Bama licked her paw again. It was really hurting now. "Nasty gash you got there. Does it hurt?"Bama cocked her head as if to say "DUH?" then went back to licking her wound. "My names Bama." She offered. "Vincent." "I know I saw your tag. Why were you on the plane?"
Ok more later.And remember folks.. I'm not an English major.
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 07:05 AM
by: captainsandwich
Chapter 2 will be coming as soon as I can get it out.
ah the fart story. is there anything better?
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 07:11 AM
by: LIONARTist
SUN BURN
Chapter 2
Sun heard Charlie screaming through his throat area as if he were a fire engine going to a four-alarm fire with hoses blasting and the siren going woo-wooo.She dropped her smelly fish laundry and paused. She strained a little and out came a butt-burp. "Mangos", she thought.Then she ran towards the wailing Charlie, letting out tiny short poots as she ran. "Poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot"It was about 40 yards."Poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot""Only about 35 yards left", Sun mused."Poot-poot-poot-poot-poot........"Finally she reached the gritty sandy spot where Claire stood and Charlie laid, flailing about like a tuna on one of those big commercial tuna boats after it had been caught and thrown onto the deck and was dying."What happened here, you two nice but stupid people?" asked Sun."It was the mangos" stated Claire. "Charlie's being such a big baby"."Look" Claire continued, "It doesn't bother Aaron. He hasn't uttered two peeps of a lambs tail. Aaron? Aaron? Damn those mangos".She quickly gave her unconcious baby mouth-to-mouth recessa... ressess....recassita.......CPR."Mommy's sorry" she told her recovering birth child of love.Sun shouted for her to run get Jack. Charlie was bleeding from the eyeball sockets. As Claire ran away, short little rump trumpets began to sound."Toot-toot-toot-toot-toot......"
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 07:14 AM
by: libbyrocks05
SUN BURN 2 is just GENIUS!!!! Do you have your PhD in English? You are amazing!!!!
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 07:22 AM
by: back_gammon
Congratulations to LIONARTist for reaching deep intoot his gut, pulling out all the stops, and finding the literary intestinal fortitude toot take the thread toot new depths of badness! The limbo bar has gone so low it is now buried in the ground!
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 07:25 AM
by: captainsandwich
SUN BURNChapter 2."Toot-toot-toot-toot-toot......"
excellent, might I add:Clare, "I gave birth, that is pain. You have indigestion. Quit your complaining." Charlie replies, "I am giving birth to a baby myself here Clare, take a look at that thing that I just dropped on the beach. I am going to name the bloody thing Brutus."
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 08:11 AM
by: back_gammon
My apologies for this being written rather straightforward. No time to run it through the modifier mangler this morning.
Sun Burns Out
Sun stood in the shower washing off Fifi Velour’s heavy stage makeup. Fifi Velour was the stage name Sun used to disguise her identity when she danced lunch hour gigs at the topless joint. She needed a disguise because it would be a toss up as to who would kill her first if they ever found out, Jin or her father. But Jin was gone most of the time working for her father, and her father almost never ventured out of the private world of luxury, privilege, murder, and mayhem he had built up around himself, and Sun needed something to keep herself busy. She could only study English, shop at fine stores everywhere, and putter about doing indoor herb gardening for so many hours a day. No. That’s a lie. She did it because she liked it. But which part? The pole dancing itself, or having a secret life that her husband and father didn’t know about? Out in the living room, Bo-po was barking his little wrinkled head off. That must be Jin, home early from his latest strong arming assignment. Yes, she knew all about it. She wasn’t stoopid, you know. Sun turned off the water in the shower. Oh no! Sun realized she had left Fifi Velour’s pink suede gee-string and break-away black leather bustier lying on the floor of the bedroom…
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 08:15 AM
by: LostMyMindAgain
See Jack HealHeal, Jack. Heal!See Kate Run.Run, Kate. Run!See Hurley Eat.Eat, Hurley. Eat!See Sun Sow.Sow, Sun. Sow!See Sawyer Sweat.Sweat, Sawyer. Sweat!See Jin Grin.Grin, Jin. Grin!See Claire change a diaper.Change, Claire. Change!See Charlie sing.Sing, Charlie. Sing!See Boone Decompose.Rot, Boone. Rot!See Shannon sleep.Sleep, Shannon. Sleep!See Sayid torture Ana-Lucia!Torture, Sayid. Torture!See Micheal lose control of his bowels over seeing someone type on the computer in the hatch.Sh*t, Micheal. Sh*t!
Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 08:18 AM
by: back_gammon
…Sun jumped out of the shower, grabbing a towel, and slipped and skidded across the bathroom floor and out into the bedroom where the thick carpet caught her toe and she began to fall. Jin caught her in his arms, smiling that rakish smile of his. “You’re so happy to see me you almost break your neck rushing to greet me?” His eyes twinkled while he tenderly stroked her soft damp neck, but there was something else there, too. Something dangerous that sent a shiver through her.Sun smiled her warmest and gave Jin a big hug. Around his shoulder her eyes quickly scanned the floor. Fifi Velour’s work outfit was nowhere to be seen…Sun could feel her heart pounding. Had Jin found the trashy strip apparel? Where was it? Jin leaned down to catch Sun’s mouth in a kiss. From the living room, Bo-po started to bark again. Then came the sound of the doorbell. Jin shrugged, gave Sun’s bare shoulder a playful nip, and walked out of the bedroom and toward the front door.Sun tightened the towel about her and quickly searched the bedroom and bathroom. Where was it? How could a pink suede g-string and black leather bustier just vanish into thin air? A frisson of panic shot through her. From the living room came the sound of her father’s voice. He and Jin were talking in low tones, too low for her to understand what they were saying. Suddenly she heard her husband’s voice, raised to a shout...
LIONARTist Big Idea Page 7
Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 05:47 PM
by: back_gammon
Lots of room in this thread, IMHO. Lucky's doing art-house crowd stuff, Slap's doing noir, other's are doing great action and suspense, I'm doing Kung-Fu genre - and there's still other market niches begging for some really really awful writing.
Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 07:07 PM
by: back_gammon
...The neck of Anna turned to see a redshirt being escorted out of the joint by the security guard who was drunk and disorderly. Last call. Now or never time in never never land. “Teach me.” Anna blurted out to Shaolin Sawyer. Pleading was all the evidence of desperation, but her chin came out of her like a determined Doberman. “I want to know---” A big commotion was happening off over there. Two more voices of the redshirts reached the ears of everyone arguing over the music of the record player. …ooooohhh hoooooo witchy woman… started up real loud all of a sudden. ….mooon in her eyyyyeeees…Shaolin Sawyer stopped masticating the plate she’d slid before him of-fried abalone picante.“Well if it aint Teeth Almighty,” he drawled. The dimples of Sawyer got deep and his eyes went all lazy and sexy on her, but barreling through the rowdy crowd with two tall drinks and back toward the table was Slappy. Not looking happy. At all...
Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 07:08 PM
by: Jh_film
In the djungleI saw a man, big, tired,He was sitting on a black rock,holding a white chocolate bar in his hand,it was half eatenI asked: "Does it taste good?""It taste awesome, dude!" the man replied"I like it, i prefer dark chocolate, but dude, we are all on this island and good food in running short!"- Stephen Crane- Revised by JH-film
Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 08:00 PM
by: lucky4me8
In which we learn more, yet less, of the real Rousseau“What? Are you yanking my chain?” sputtered Sayid to the crazed French woman, who was, in fact, attempting to release his rusty, chained manacle, not to be confused with the rusty monocle on a chain dangling from her neck, nor with the crusty barnacle mangled in her hair. “You’re not the real Rousseau?”“Yes and no,” the uncannily Rousseauesque creature confided with candor. She filled a Calabash Turkish pipe with tobacco, the serpentine mahogany handle clamped in her unusually white teeth. “Identity theft pre-dates the Black Rock, mon ami.” Danielle-who-was-not-Danielle-but-Justine batted her spidery eyelashes, revealing an empty socket. “I had a bit of a checkered past in the Netherlands, so I used the situation to my advantage.”“I’m stunned,” said Sayid, stunned. He broke off a nearby stalagmite and tucked it behind his ear. You never could predict when a stalagmite could come in handy. “What about Alex?”“Alex was my wombat hybrid, but I loved her like a child. We were together only one week when they took her, and my heart is still festering.” Her eye pierced Sayid through the thick scented smoke. “But you said you gave birth to her,” Sayid said, both less and more confused.“Ha!” said Danielle-who-was-not-Danielle-but-someone-else-entirely. “That part is true. I bred her in the lab.” Her eye gleamed, unblinking. “When I buried Montaigne’s arm,” she continued, leaning forward on the rock and removing her pipe, “I kept his left thumb.”Sayid was momentarily distracted by a quick, grim calculation of how impossibly small the quarter-inch replica of Montaigne’s left thumb would inevitably be. Still, he had never been one to shrink from artistic challenge and this time would be no different… Danielle-Justine blinked rapidly, sudden asymmetrical brightness reflected in her dangling monocle like a strobe light in a Tehran disco. This had a strangely hypnotic effect, and he made a note to add this to his own bag of tricks. He shook off grandiose blueprints for an exquisitely small diorama of the Dark Territory battle scene that suddenly appeared fully formed inside his mind.“What do you mean, hybrid?” Sayid asked, almost without speaking. “You have trans-genetics in the Middle East too, non?” his hostess propped up her shoeless bare feet on a nearby auger and snuggled into her rock.“So you are a scientist?” Sayid ran his fingers through his hair, palming the stalagmite.“I am now,” she replied, and somehow winked with one eye.
Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 08:29 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
BG, Slappy better start being happy again or BG will be very sad indeed.
Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 08:32 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
Lucky, you are bad, real bad, like a bad hairdo designed by a drunk on a shoestring bad.
Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 08:39 PM
by: back_gammon
BG, Slappy better start being happy again or BG will be very sad indeed.
Not to worry. It's just a little cliff.........hanger
Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 08:40 PM
by: lucky4me8
Lucky, you are bad, real bad, like a bad hairdo designed by a drunk on a shoestring bad.
Why thank you, Slap. Don't worry, I know I can be worse.
Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 09:23 PM
by: Arthas57
No, I didn't read the entier 90 pages of this thread but..." he viewed Kate, running fast towards the spot where he now stood. She was running very fast. He could tell she was running fast."made me want to rip my eyes out.That will be all.
Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 09:25 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
The Ponce, the Baldy, and the Wardrobe
Charlie looked up from his fingers that he had been wiggling poncily in rhythm to the haunting music emanating from Locke’s viola that he had fashioned from mango skins and strands of Shannon’s hair. Charlie had been appalled at first as English gits are wont to be, but he thought about it twice and then thrice but not fourth for that was too much thinking that Shannon wouldn’t be using her hair anymore. She was dead. Dead like Charlie’s dismal career and the rotting, pulsing roots of his teeth. You couldn’t get much deader than that and just when you thought that was true, you could. Locke knew more about death than he cared to endeavor. He’d lost a kidney to it. Lost it like you lose something that you can’t find and just when you think you’ve looked everywhere it’s not there. At least he still had his thirty dollars. Locke misted to himself, while laying down his Shannon-mango viola, that money was his only true friend. A true friend like a cold knife on a warm and steamy night in a dingy jail cell. Charlie ponced up when Locke suddenly galumphed, “Money! Show me the money!” Poncing over to Locke, Charlie wiggled his fingers in front of Locke to mesmerize him into eternity for men. Arsing down on the chair, Charlie contemplated his bloody bollocks while Locke stared at Charlie’s poncy fingers. That’s how Claire found them, poncing and arsing. Poncing and arsing like a bad Broadway musical written by Alistair Simms’ ghost.Claire had been seeking for Locke. Seeking like a lighthouse seeks for a ship passing lonely in the foggy bottom of the evening mist on a dark and stormy night. Charlie spotted Claire and immediately stopped arsing and poncing his fingers unmesmerizing Locke’s staring eyes. Locke’s eyes looked bad, real bad to Claire. Bad like her ex-boyfriend liked her in bed in their ex-flat that smelled of expensive women and cheap booze. She advanced on Locke in a tic-tac-toe fashion and beseeched, “Can you show me how to make a wardrobe for Aaron?”Locke searched upwards towards Claire’s face and moving mouth from his fetal position on the hard, dry ground. Dry like the ginger ale from Canada that a drunk throws in your face screaming, “where’s my scotch?” Canada, like the place Ethan Rom said he came from before the bloody poncing, arsing Charlie drilled him with forty-two bullets and a hand grenade. Just like Sunday dinner with the in-laws who were too knackered to defend themselves. Locke lifted himself up by his boot straps and tumbled over to Claire. Tumbled like a good martini on a bad day. As he tumbled, he was thinking what a swell gal Claire was. The kind of swell a schlub like him could fall for hard and fast and quiet. Quiet like a graveyard in a serial killer’s backyard. Tumbling and blurting, “Claire, the truth that you seek is not far behind you, but cannot be in front of you hidden beneath the many layers of where you search.” Locke tumbled some more, knocking into the tic-tac-toeing Claire.“What does that have to do with the wardrobe for Aaron?” begged a swelling Claire. Begged like a poncing git begs another git down on his luck having lost his will to live and live hard.“The answer you beseek is within you and cannot be released until you speak it,” countered Locke knowingly and without a clue. “What the bloody sod does that mean?” vomited Charlie the git with the wiggling fingers of mermerization.“It means what it is and what shall always be,” threw Locke while tumbling back to Charlie’s arsing position. Claire shook her haloed head as only a swell gal that Locke could fall for hard and fast and quiet could, while tic-tac-toeing back to the winding beach of frolic and mystery.To be continued…
Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 09:28 PM
by: Arthas57
What's with all the weird...words?Poncing? Galumphed? Bollocks? Arsing?Probably English (like...England) Words?
Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 09:58 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
Look at the subject title.
Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 09:58 PM
by: back_gammon
…No fool, Shaolin Sawyer. Seeing the storm abrewing, the arm of Sawyer, moaning at the elbow, gave the hip of Anna a quick and precisely phrased shove. Just hard enough. To send her back into the center of the crowd of the last call howlers. Forged in steel and inscribed he wasn’t for nothing.….mooon in her eyyyyeeees…And straight into the arms of Hurley, who on that particular night was all about gettin’ his drink on, island style.“Anna! Baby! I’m amazed!” Hurley bent his cheek toward hers. He was a little worried about the teeth, but what the heck. “Amazed?” Anna’s anger felt his fingers all over hers. Frustrated by the lengthy interruption of her question to Shaolin Sawyer, the agapeness of Hurley began to agitate her, too! Without knowing it was happening, she burst into a puddle of tears. Even with his drink on, Hurley could be more or less than a perfect gentleman. Gathering the puddle of Anna in his arms, he did what he thought was his duty as a dude and walked her stumbling legs under the big tropical moon outside…
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 07:30 AM
by: back_gammon
…Under the big tropical moon, still crying, the ears of Hurley was listening as Anna poured her heart out over him about the crash, the children’s abduction, her hell-hood as a cop of vengeance “Teach me, teach me,” kept coming up over and over again. Fearing she was going all Lenny or something and in urgent need of some good transference, Hurley felt her now exposed calefactor scorching him again and again, fueled by her private hellness. But he couldn’t, not here, not like this, he didn’t want anyone else to know about - they would laugh at him again, for sure - since no body ever believed a word he said.“Teach me, teach me.” The mouth of Anna was begging and begging.Worrying if he was doing the right thing, would she hate him in the morning? Would he hate himself? ….mooon in her eyyyyeeees…Full moon! Oh no!
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 08:26 AM
by: LIONARTist
That was Poncing Slaptastic, Queen of the Hats. I laughed long and hard and the blood flowed freely from my cranial lobes.
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 09:06 AM
by: back_gammon
…Waking up the next morning, the eyes of Hurley looked and found he was deep into the dark territory. Deep in the belly of the boom, dynamite that is. Just where he wanted to be. If anyone could help Anna, this was the place.“Why did you bring me here?” said Anna. The words spit from her teeth. She was mad, allright.“Don’t you remember like, ‘Teach me, teach me’ last night?” said Hurley. “I’m known as something of a warrior back home, and I – ““You?” Anna’s lips snarled downward, dragging the rest of her attitude with it.Suddenly, leaping up out of the jungle, a guy with bushy black eye-brows with only one arm and a big sword appeared. He had a French accent, and made that silk rustling sound, but a picture is worth a thousand words:http://www.sea.fi/foto/new%20one-armed%20swordsman.jpg“Montaigne!” Hurley was so happy to see his secret warrior buddy. Still, there was that sword thing, so he kept his distance and bowed to Montaigne, politely. “Dude, I’ve brought someone who wants to learn kung fu. Begging all night, teach me, teach me.”Montaigne’s eyes took in Anna. “Hurley, old friend, I don’t think so. She is not worthy.”Anna got up in Montaigne’s face. “And just why not!” She was in the losing it stage.Turning away, Montaigne said over his calm shoulder, “Because you’ve got the moon in your eyes….”
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 10:16 AM
by: back_gammon
george got stuck on the rinse cycle again
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 11:28 AM
by: captainaeon
ANA-LUCIA REMEMBERS...Ana-Lucia sat alone on the beach made of sand. It had been hours since she had killed anybody dead, yet no one had forgiven her yet. “I am all alone,” her thoughts thought to themselves. “This is the alonest I have ever been. And I have been plenty alone, missy, let me tell you!” A loud whooshing sound and she was rememberizing a time long ago...“Ana-Lucia!” She was 8 years old and a little girl, sitting in her ‘special’ place under the porch. She gazed fixedly into the box she held in her hands, both of them. Malibu Barbie heads, their blonde hair so pretty! so shiny! shining like some blonde, shiny things. Now she had 4. But soon she would have 8. Then, 15, 16, 23, 42. Maybe someday, she could even have 108... “Ana--Lucia!!!”Her mother was calling her to dinner. Her favorite, Baskettios...She entered the kitchen. Smells filled her nose of pasta and cheese. She sat at the table and began to eat her swinging legs under the table.“ I have to leave for my shift soon, honey,” her mother was saying. She stood before her daughter wearing her dark blue uniform, black boots and police badge. Strapped to her hip was a gun of metal enclosed and resting in a gunbelt made of leather and justice. Ana-Lucia thought she looked like the princess.“When your cousin Hurley gets here, try to get him to eat something,” her mother’s talking mouth was saying. “That boy is too skinny.”“Mommy,” Ana said, tomato sauce dripping from her chin of determination. “Someday when I grow up, I’m going to be a police lady just like you...” Her mother smiled an ambiguous smile. “And carry a gun. And only shoot people on purpose!”On purpose...On purpose...The words echoed again and again, silently in her remembering brain.But Ana had not shot the blonde (so pretty! so shiny!) woman ‘on purpose’. She had shot her ‘on accident’. Cops didn’t make accidents, and now she was living with the consequentials.Would the other survivors ever understand her long, tortuous tale of ennui and forgive her?She looked down the beach and saw a woman holding a baby. The woman had blonde hair. So pretty... So shiny...
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 11:32 AM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
I fear for the safety of Claire.
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 11:34 AM
by: captainaeon
I fear for the safety of Claire.
Be afeared. Be very afeared...
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 11:34 AM
by: JacknSawyermmm
oooooo - I can't wait to hear more.She sat at the table and began to eat her swinging legs under the table.So they fought back, eh? Keep up the good work
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 11:59 AM
by: back_gammon
She sat at the table and began to eat her swinging legs under the table.
I love it! blonde shiny hair....oooooohhh....
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 12:13 PM
by: anna_marie_89
Hey guys i jus thought i would try and write the beginning of an episode so here goes.Episode Name : The Truth is out There. Its a really hot sunny day on the island and we see the sea with little gentle waves.Charlie and Claire are sat with Aaron on the beach.Charlie: " Look Claire ... Im ..Sorry for the way i have been acting about Aaron. I know you do your best by him. Your a fantastic mother...Im just scared thats all. Im scared that we may not get off of this bloody place and im scared i will loose you."Claire: " You wont loose me silly. You and Aaron have been the best thing that has happened to me while been here and allthough we have bee though hell here and trust me... i know its not over yet , you have made it bearable. (Claire takes hold of charlies hand and puts her head on his shoulder).Here we switch to Michael on the computer just after reading the email on the screen that reads "Dad?". Michael : "Walt?"Here we see a fash back of Michaels account of the flight. We see him and walt sat on the plane.Michael : "Look Walt i know you probably dont want anything to do with me ... but i cant help that .. just give it time everything will be ok man ... i promise".The Plane starts to shake and then we see the oxygen masks fal from the roof of the plane and michael shouts at walt to put it on. Walt grabs michaels hand.Back at the computer. Michael types.Michael (typing) : "walt are you ok ?"Walt : "Dad im scared"Michael : where are you ?Walt : A dark place . Help me dad. Help me !The screen of text disapears.Jack enters.Jack : "Michael whats going on"Michael:" Jack you gota help me ... its walt... he was talking to me through the computer... he said he as in a dark place".Jack : "What .. Your'e Sure"Michael: " Man would i make this up"Jack : "I'll get Sayid"We then see Kate and Locke talking on the beach eating fruit.Kate : "What do you think will happen next? What will go wrong... what will happen Locke".Locke: "Fate will happen Kate... Fate and we cant change that.. we have to fight it"Jack appears at the beach.Jack : Hey.. Wheres Sayid?"Kate: I dunno... hes still upset about Shannon"Locke : "Can i be of any assistance doctor"Jack : "Yeah .... Maybe ... Do you know anything about computers Locke"Locke : "This and that... why whats the problem"Jack : Michael somehow got in contact with Walt i was wondering if there was any way that we could find out where that other source of contact is coming from"Kate : What walts ok ? Where is he ?Jack : we dont know yet thats why i need your help Locke.Locke : Wheres michael ? Im best off going alone too many people make it crowded.Jack : With the computer.Locke goes.We see Sayid sat on the beach next to Shannons grave with Vincent.Sayid : I loved her. I loved her so much..... Ive got to help get Walt back.... thats what she would have wanted. Sayid runs into to the jungle leaving vincent to lay next to shannons grave.(What will happen after the break............?)
SOMEONE FINISH OFF THE EPISODE PLEASE !
LOVE ANNA xXxX
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 12:59 PM
by: not_onboard
Hey can I post the link here to my crappy fanfic?
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 01:03 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
Hey can I post the link here to my crappy fanfic?
Since Lion is my Mane Man, I don't think he would mind me responding to your question.Here's my response:How crappy is it? Is it worthy of the crapiness within this thread already or will it take the crap to a whole new level? I would love to see the bar lowered even further on the crap barometer. Finally...link away to your heart's content.
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 01:28 PM
by: back_gammon
jack be nimble jack be quickjack go under limbo stick...how low can you go....
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 01:34 PM
by: back_gammon
News from the island bulletin board:Our island has a nursery school program now; those who have children and don't know about it should see Claire or Locke for more information.
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 01:40 PM
by: LIONARTist
Since Lion is my Mane Man, I don't think he would mind me responding to your question.
I love it when she claims me as her own. He said as the stallion galumphed about on all four legs all at once with severity in it's steps.
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 01:41 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
*stomping feet of the Nothers are heard island-wide rushing to the nursery*
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 01:42 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
I love it when she claims me as her own. He said as the stallion galumphed about on all four legs all at once with severity in it's steps.
You big galumph, you.
by: back_gammon
Lots of room in this thread, IMHO. Lucky's doing art-house crowd stuff, Slap's doing noir, other's are doing great action and suspense, I'm doing Kung-Fu genre - and there's still other market niches begging for some really really awful writing.
Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 07:07 PM
by: back_gammon
...The neck of Anna turned to see a redshirt being escorted out of the joint by the security guard who was drunk and disorderly. Last call. Now or never time in never never land. “Teach me.” Anna blurted out to Shaolin Sawyer. Pleading was all the evidence of desperation, but her chin came out of her like a determined Doberman. “I want to know---” A big commotion was happening off over there. Two more voices of the redshirts reached the ears of everyone arguing over the music of the record player. …ooooohhh hoooooo witchy woman… started up real loud all of a sudden. ….mooon in her eyyyyeeees…Shaolin Sawyer stopped masticating the plate she’d slid before him of-fried abalone picante.“Well if it aint Teeth Almighty,” he drawled. The dimples of Sawyer got deep and his eyes went all lazy and sexy on her, but barreling through the rowdy crowd with two tall drinks and back toward the table was Slappy. Not looking happy. At all...
Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 07:08 PM
by: Jh_film
In the djungleI saw a man, big, tired,He was sitting on a black rock,holding a white chocolate bar in his hand,it was half eatenI asked: "Does it taste good?""It taste awesome, dude!" the man replied"I like it, i prefer dark chocolate, but dude, we are all on this island and good food in running short!"- Stephen Crane- Revised by JH-film
Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 08:00 PM
by: lucky4me8
In which we learn more, yet less, of the real Rousseau“What? Are you yanking my chain?” sputtered Sayid to the crazed French woman, who was, in fact, attempting to release his rusty, chained manacle, not to be confused with the rusty monocle on a chain dangling from her neck, nor with the crusty barnacle mangled in her hair. “You’re not the real Rousseau?”“Yes and no,” the uncannily Rousseauesque creature confided with candor. She filled a Calabash Turkish pipe with tobacco, the serpentine mahogany handle clamped in her unusually white teeth. “Identity theft pre-dates the Black Rock, mon ami.” Danielle-who-was-not-Danielle-but-Justine batted her spidery eyelashes, revealing an empty socket. “I had a bit of a checkered past in the Netherlands, so I used the situation to my advantage.”“I’m stunned,” said Sayid, stunned. He broke off a nearby stalagmite and tucked it behind his ear. You never could predict when a stalagmite could come in handy. “What about Alex?”“Alex was my wombat hybrid, but I loved her like a child. We were together only one week when they took her, and my heart is still festering.” Her eye pierced Sayid through the thick scented smoke. “But you said you gave birth to her,” Sayid said, both less and more confused.“Ha!” said Danielle-who-was-not-Danielle-but-someone-else-entirely. “That part is true. I bred her in the lab.” Her eye gleamed, unblinking. “When I buried Montaigne’s arm,” she continued, leaning forward on the rock and removing her pipe, “I kept his left thumb.”Sayid was momentarily distracted by a quick, grim calculation of how impossibly small the quarter-inch replica of Montaigne’s left thumb would inevitably be. Still, he had never been one to shrink from artistic challenge and this time would be no different… Danielle-Justine blinked rapidly, sudden asymmetrical brightness reflected in her dangling monocle like a strobe light in a Tehran disco. This had a strangely hypnotic effect, and he made a note to add this to his own bag of tricks. He shook off grandiose blueprints for an exquisitely small diorama of the Dark Territory battle scene that suddenly appeared fully formed inside his mind.“What do you mean, hybrid?” Sayid asked, almost without speaking. “You have trans-genetics in the Middle East too, non?” his hostess propped up her shoeless bare feet on a nearby auger and snuggled into her rock.“So you are a scientist?” Sayid ran his fingers through his hair, palming the stalagmite.“I am now,” she replied, and somehow winked with one eye.
Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 08:29 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
BG, Slappy better start being happy again or BG will be very sad indeed.
Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 08:32 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
Lucky, you are bad, real bad, like a bad hairdo designed by a drunk on a shoestring bad.
Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 08:39 PM
by: back_gammon
BG, Slappy better start being happy again or BG will be very sad indeed.
Not to worry. It's just a little cliff.........hanger
Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 08:40 PM
by: lucky4me8
Lucky, you are bad, real bad, like a bad hairdo designed by a drunk on a shoestring bad.
Why thank you, Slap. Don't worry, I know I can be worse.
Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 09:23 PM
by: Arthas57
No, I didn't read the entier 90 pages of this thread but..." he viewed Kate, running fast towards the spot where he now stood. She was running very fast. He could tell she was running fast."made me want to rip my eyes out.That will be all.
Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 09:25 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
The Ponce, the Baldy, and the Wardrobe
Charlie looked up from his fingers that he had been wiggling poncily in rhythm to the haunting music emanating from Locke’s viola that he had fashioned from mango skins and strands of Shannon’s hair. Charlie had been appalled at first as English gits are wont to be, but he thought about it twice and then thrice but not fourth for that was too much thinking that Shannon wouldn’t be using her hair anymore. She was dead. Dead like Charlie’s dismal career and the rotting, pulsing roots of his teeth. You couldn’t get much deader than that and just when you thought that was true, you could. Locke knew more about death than he cared to endeavor. He’d lost a kidney to it. Lost it like you lose something that you can’t find and just when you think you’ve looked everywhere it’s not there. At least he still had his thirty dollars. Locke misted to himself, while laying down his Shannon-mango viola, that money was his only true friend. A true friend like a cold knife on a warm and steamy night in a dingy jail cell. Charlie ponced up when Locke suddenly galumphed, “Money! Show me the money!” Poncing over to Locke, Charlie wiggled his fingers in front of Locke to mesmerize him into eternity for men. Arsing down on the chair, Charlie contemplated his bloody bollocks while Locke stared at Charlie’s poncy fingers. That’s how Claire found them, poncing and arsing. Poncing and arsing like a bad Broadway musical written by Alistair Simms’ ghost.Claire had been seeking for Locke. Seeking like a lighthouse seeks for a ship passing lonely in the foggy bottom of the evening mist on a dark and stormy night. Charlie spotted Claire and immediately stopped arsing and poncing his fingers unmesmerizing Locke’s staring eyes. Locke’s eyes looked bad, real bad to Claire. Bad like her ex-boyfriend liked her in bed in their ex-flat that smelled of expensive women and cheap booze. She advanced on Locke in a tic-tac-toe fashion and beseeched, “Can you show me how to make a wardrobe for Aaron?”Locke searched upwards towards Claire’s face and moving mouth from his fetal position on the hard, dry ground. Dry like the ginger ale from Canada that a drunk throws in your face screaming, “where’s my scotch?” Canada, like the place Ethan Rom said he came from before the bloody poncing, arsing Charlie drilled him with forty-two bullets and a hand grenade. Just like Sunday dinner with the in-laws who were too knackered to defend themselves. Locke lifted himself up by his boot straps and tumbled over to Claire. Tumbled like a good martini on a bad day. As he tumbled, he was thinking what a swell gal Claire was. The kind of swell a schlub like him could fall for hard and fast and quiet. Quiet like a graveyard in a serial killer’s backyard. Tumbling and blurting, “Claire, the truth that you seek is not far behind you, but cannot be in front of you hidden beneath the many layers of where you search.” Locke tumbled some more, knocking into the tic-tac-toeing Claire.“What does that have to do with the wardrobe for Aaron?” begged a swelling Claire. Begged like a poncing git begs another git down on his luck having lost his will to live and live hard.“The answer you beseek is within you and cannot be released until you speak it,” countered Locke knowingly and without a clue. “What the bloody sod does that mean?” vomited Charlie the git with the wiggling fingers of mermerization.“It means what it is and what shall always be,” threw Locke while tumbling back to Charlie’s arsing position. Claire shook her haloed head as only a swell gal that Locke could fall for hard and fast and quiet could, while tic-tac-toeing back to the winding beach of frolic and mystery.To be continued…
Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 09:28 PM
by: Arthas57
What's with all the weird...words?Poncing? Galumphed? Bollocks? Arsing?Probably English (like...England) Words?
Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 09:58 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
Look at the subject title.
Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 09:58 PM
by: back_gammon
…No fool, Shaolin Sawyer. Seeing the storm abrewing, the arm of Sawyer, moaning at the elbow, gave the hip of Anna a quick and precisely phrased shove. Just hard enough. To send her back into the center of the crowd of the last call howlers. Forged in steel and inscribed he wasn’t for nothing.….mooon in her eyyyyeeees…And straight into the arms of Hurley, who on that particular night was all about gettin’ his drink on, island style.“Anna! Baby! I’m amazed!” Hurley bent his cheek toward hers. He was a little worried about the teeth, but what the heck. “Amazed?” Anna’s anger felt his fingers all over hers. Frustrated by the lengthy interruption of her question to Shaolin Sawyer, the agapeness of Hurley began to agitate her, too! Without knowing it was happening, she burst into a puddle of tears. Even with his drink on, Hurley could be more or less than a perfect gentleman. Gathering the puddle of Anna in his arms, he did what he thought was his duty as a dude and walked her stumbling legs under the big tropical moon outside…
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 07:30 AM
by: back_gammon
…Under the big tropical moon, still crying, the ears of Hurley was listening as Anna poured her heart out over him about the crash, the children’s abduction, her hell-hood as a cop of vengeance “Teach me, teach me,” kept coming up over and over again. Fearing she was going all Lenny or something and in urgent need of some good transference, Hurley felt her now exposed calefactor scorching him again and again, fueled by her private hellness. But he couldn’t, not here, not like this, he didn’t want anyone else to know about - they would laugh at him again, for sure - since no body ever believed a word he said.“Teach me, teach me.” The mouth of Anna was begging and begging.Worrying if he was doing the right thing, would she hate him in the morning? Would he hate himself? ….mooon in her eyyyyeeees…Full moon! Oh no!
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 08:26 AM
by: LIONARTist
That was Poncing Slaptastic, Queen of the Hats. I laughed long and hard and the blood flowed freely from my cranial lobes.
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 09:06 AM
by: back_gammon
…Waking up the next morning, the eyes of Hurley looked and found he was deep into the dark territory. Deep in the belly of the boom, dynamite that is. Just where he wanted to be. If anyone could help Anna, this was the place.“Why did you bring me here?” said Anna. The words spit from her teeth. She was mad, allright.“Don’t you remember like, ‘Teach me, teach me’ last night?” said Hurley. “I’m known as something of a warrior back home, and I – ““You?” Anna’s lips snarled downward, dragging the rest of her attitude with it.Suddenly, leaping up out of the jungle, a guy with bushy black eye-brows with only one arm and a big sword appeared. He had a French accent, and made that silk rustling sound, but a picture is worth a thousand words:http://www.sea.fi/foto/new%20one-armed%20swordsman.jpg“Montaigne!” Hurley was so happy to see his secret warrior buddy. Still, there was that sword thing, so he kept his distance and bowed to Montaigne, politely. “Dude, I’ve brought someone who wants to learn kung fu. Begging all night, teach me, teach me.”Montaigne’s eyes took in Anna. “Hurley, old friend, I don’t think so. She is not worthy.”Anna got up in Montaigne’s face. “And just why not!” She was in the losing it stage.Turning away, Montaigne said over his calm shoulder, “Because you’ve got the moon in your eyes….”
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 10:16 AM
by: back_gammon
george got stuck on the rinse cycle again
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 11:28 AM
by: captainaeon
ANA-LUCIA REMEMBERS...Ana-Lucia sat alone on the beach made of sand. It had been hours since she had killed anybody dead, yet no one had forgiven her yet. “I am all alone,” her thoughts thought to themselves. “This is the alonest I have ever been. And I have been plenty alone, missy, let me tell you!” A loud whooshing sound and she was rememberizing a time long ago...“Ana-Lucia!” She was 8 years old and a little girl, sitting in her ‘special’ place under the porch. She gazed fixedly into the box she held in her hands, both of them. Malibu Barbie heads, their blonde hair so pretty! so shiny! shining like some blonde, shiny things. Now she had 4. But soon she would have 8. Then, 15, 16, 23, 42. Maybe someday, she could even have 108... “Ana--Lucia!!!”Her mother was calling her to dinner. Her favorite, Baskettios...She entered the kitchen. Smells filled her nose of pasta and cheese. She sat at the table and began to eat her swinging legs under the table.“ I have to leave for my shift soon, honey,” her mother was saying. She stood before her daughter wearing her dark blue uniform, black boots and police badge. Strapped to her hip was a gun of metal enclosed and resting in a gunbelt made of leather and justice. Ana-Lucia thought she looked like the princess.“When your cousin Hurley gets here, try to get him to eat something,” her mother’s talking mouth was saying. “That boy is too skinny.”“Mommy,” Ana said, tomato sauce dripping from her chin of determination. “Someday when I grow up, I’m going to be a police lady just like you...” Her mother smiled an ambiguous smile. “And carry a gun. And only shoot people on purpose!”On purpose...On purpose...The words echoed again and again, silently in her remembering brain.But Ana had not shot the blonde (so pretty! so shiny!) woman ‘on purpose’. She had shot her ‘on accident’. Cops didn’t make accidents, and now she was living with the consequentials.Would the other survivors ever understand her long, tortuous tale of ennui and forgive her?She looked down the beach and saw a woman holding a baby. The woman had blonde hair. So pretty... So shiny...
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 11:32 AM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
I fear for the safety of Claire.
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 11:34 AM
by: captainaeon
I fear for the safety of Claire.
Be afeared. Be very afeared...
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 11:34 AM
by: JacknSawyermmm
oooooo - I can't wait to hear more.She sat at the table and began to eat her swinging legs under the table.So they fought back, eh? Keep up the good work
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 11:59 AM
by: back_gammon
She sat at the table and began to eat her swinging legs under the table.
I love it! blonde shiny hair....oooooohhh....
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 12:13 PM
by: anna_marie_89
Hey guys i jus thought i would try and write the beginning of an episode so here goes.Episode Name : The Truth is out There. Its a really hot sunny day on the island and we see the sea with little gentle waves.Charlie and Claire are sat with Aaron on the beach.Charlie: " Look Claire ... Im ..Sorry for the way i have been acting about Aaron. I know you do your best by him. Your a fantastic mother...Im just scared thats all. Im scared that we may not get off of this bloody place and im scared i will loose you."Claire: " You wont loose me silly. You and Aaron have been the best thing that has happened to me while been here and allthough we have bee though hell here and trust me... i know its not over yet , you have made it bearable. (Claire takes hold of charlies hand and puts her head on his shoulder).Here we switch to Michael on the computer just after reading the email on the screen that reads "Dad?". Michael : "Walt?"Here we see a fash back of Michaels account of the flight. We see him and walt sat on the plane.Michael : "Look Walt i know you probably dont want anything to do with me ... but i cant help that .. just give it time everything will be ok man ... i promise".The Plane starts to shake and then we see the oxygen masks fal from the roof of the plane and michael shouts at walt to put it on. Walt grabs michaels hand.Back at the computer. Michael types.Michael (typing) : "walt are you ok ?"Walt : "Dad im scared"Michael : where are you ?Walt : A dark place . Help me dad. Help me !The screen of text disapears.Jack enters.Jack : "Michael whats going on"Michael:" Jack you gota help me ... its walt... he was talking to me through the computer... he said he as in a dark place".Jack : "What .. Your'e Sure"Michael: " Man would i make this up"Jack : "I'll get Sayid"We then see Kate and Locke talking on the beach eating fruit.Kate : "What do you think will happen next? What will go wrong... what will happen Locke".Locke: "Fate will happen Kate... Fate and we cant change that.. we have to fight it"Jack appears at the beach.Jack : Hey.. Wheres Sayid?"Kate: I dunno... hes still upset about Shannon"Locke : "Can i be of any assistance doctor"Jack : "Yeah .... Maybe ... Do you know anything about computers Locke"Locke : "This and that... why whats the problem"Jack : Michael somehow got in contact with Walt i was wondering if there was any way that we could find out where that other source of contact is coming from"Kate : What walts ok ? Where is he ?Jack : we dont know yet thats why i need your help Locke.Locke : Wheres michael ? Im best off going alone too many people make it crowded.Jack : With the computer.Locke goes.We see Sayid sat on the beach next to Shannons grave with Vincent.Sayid : I loved her. I loved her so much..... Ive got to help get Walt back.... thats what she would have wanted. Sayid runs into to the jungle leaving vincent to lay next to shannons grave.(What will happen after the break............?)
SOMEONE FINISH OFF THE EPISODE PLEASE !
LOVE ANNA xXxX
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 12:59 PM
by: not_onboard
Hey can I post the link here to my crappy fanfic?
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 01:03 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
Hey can I post the link here to my crappy fanfic?
Since Lion is my Mane Man, I don't think he would mind me responding to your question.Here's my response:How crappy is it? Is it worthy of the crapiness within this thread already or will it take the crap to a whole new level? I would love to see the bar lowered even further on the crap barometer. Finally...link away to your heart's content.
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 01:28 PM
by: back_gammon
jack be nimble jack be quickjack go under limbo stick...how low can you go....
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 01:34 PM
by: back_gammon
News from the island bulletin board:Our island has a nursery school program now; those who have children and don't know about it should see Claire or Locke for more information.
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 01:40 PM
by: LIONARTist
Since Lion is my Mane Man, I don't think he would mind me responding to your question.
I love it when she claims me as her own. He said as the stallion galumphed about on all four legs all at once with severity in it's steps.
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 01:41 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
*stomping feet of the Nothers are heard island-wide rushing to the nursery*
Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 01:42 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
I love it when she claims me as her own. He said as the stallion galumphed about on all four legs all at once with severity in it's steps.
You big galumph, you.
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