LIONARTist Big Idea Page 8

Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 01:53 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
High Laconics
Jack laconically strutted over to Sayid with spurs a-jangling and a-twirling. He wept like cowboys aren’t supposed in the daylight with the spurs cutting grooves in his ankles below the knees. His gun loaded slapped heavingly against his hip underneath his chin of five o’clock shadow. It was only two o’clock, but he was a feminine man with intensive hair growth. The afternoon sun seared off the hot earth under his bleeding strutting feet of cowboy boots. Vultures soared above his weeping head of uncowboy likeness.“Hey pardner,” Jack blubbered laconically to Sayid working on his corral of experimental shell phones. No more pony express for this posse of laconic survivors if Sayid the experimental cowboy had any say and say he did. “Listen mister, we’ve got a problem besides your incessant weepiness,” experimented Sayid in a laconic tone of grey. “It’s allergies to the beating afternoon sun atop my stubbly head,” worried Jack laconically stretching his blooding pool of feet on a shell phone. The vultures above screamed in protest and shame, “Girly!” They kept a-circling the spurred stranger under the menacing sky.“Allergies don’t explain why my shell phones are not picking up any signal. We’re not high enough is the problem,” surmised Sayid in a laconic pool of sweat in his sleeveless fringed undergarment. Jack intensified his look at the experimenter and lifted his spurring ankles from their resting place of comfort and pain. “Pardner, we will need to mosey on over to the plane of Boone’s demise and drugs of Mary,” preparation Jack replied laconically speaking.The vultures overhead of the experimenter and the weepy one looked at each other and soared to the Boone plane of demise ready to round up their carrion since they wouldn’t be checking in any baggage.To be continued…

Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 02:23 PM
by: back_gammon
“Allergies don’t explain why my shell phones are not picking up any signal. We’re not high enough is the problem,” surmised Sayid in a laconic pool of sweat in his sleeveless fringed undergarment.

Somebody call Ang Lee on the shell phone!

Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 02:25 PM
by: mungonna
..ahemm....The ocean spat out the green loogie of a bottle at Claires wandering attention. Breathing easier it retreated allowing her to claim the glass of green , where so many hopes had been stored, from the foaming froth of the sea....She knew, oh she knew, what that green glass capsule had meant for everyone, everyone on the island and everyone on the boat. She no longer enjoyed the sunny beach because she knew. She knew what had to be done ....." Charlie, would you please change Aaron's diaper!" she said holding her nose in one hand and hiding the glass of spoiled green hopes behind her back...." Right Mate!" Charlie responded quickly, " I'm on it!"..." I need to go see Shannon about ..some woman problems. Keep an eye out for the Others , will ya?" Claire lied thru her green teeth...." I got your back!" Charlie promised....Claire found Shannon as she was cleaing the jam out from her toenails with a sea urchin quill..." Look what I found!" Claire expressed as she diverted Shannon's focus from the green jam between her big toe toenail...." yea, so whats that got to do with me? Shannon said shrugging her shoulders and curling her mouth into a snarl only worthy of a dead Elvis...." Okay bytch!..Maybe you can tell me where Sun is then. This here green bottle may have meaning for her. She was so green with envy for Jin when the boat left with him." Claire went on without focus... " wait a minute, lets see what these asshats wrote ? Shannon exclaimed as she jumped up and slapped her hands together in glee...".You've got to be kiddin me" Claire said while trying to keep the green with frenzy Shannon away from the green bottle.But Shannon proved too strong and cunning for the still recouperating Claire and soon,,all to soon , the contents of the green glassed bottle were being passed before Shannon's green eyes." heaving bossoms?",,thundering lighting"? " I think I'm gettin,,,BLEEEECCCCK!!!!..Shannon tried to get out as she emptied the green viscous from the bottom of her stomach on to Claires once clean green shirt." HA!..Looks like a bit of Artz there on your lip!" Claire laffed as she flicked the green fleck from Shannons upper lip...." BLEEEEEECCCCK!!!!" repeated Shannon as she doubled over in dry heavedom." Fack You!" Shannon coughed as the green bile dripped from her quivering mouth.......Sun heard the commotion from a short distance and was soon stareing in disbelief at the scene. " This is one of the worse stuff I've ever seen on the island. What is wrong with you people?" She asked as she turned green from the stench....................................
Thats as Low as I am about to go....
MEL

Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 02:28 PM
by: back_gammon
...“Moon in my eyes? What’s that supposed to mean?” The fury of Anna was growing. Schreeching in the trees! Schreech! Schreech! The birds was going wild! “I want to learn Kung Fu and carry buckets of water up thousands of steps, stand on one leg on upended logs for hours at a stretch. I want to learn to leap, kick, spin – ““I think what he’s saying,” Hurley interrupted. He bowed respectfully to Montaigne’s sword, “is you’ve got your head up your arse.” Oh! Anna didn’t think once. Clawing out her right eye and going for the left, only Montaigne’s advanced lightning quick leaping ability stopped her from ruining both eyes. Anna held her right eye in her bleeding hands, offering it to Montaigne. Speechless made by the blood, Hurley was a little woozy. Dude! Didn’t see that one coming.Montaigne stared at the eyeball in the hands of Anna and shook his head. Every sound of the jungle went silent. “What do you think Kung Fu will give you, Anna? What do you want? Revenge? Justice?”“I want revenge, you flying silk-worm moron! Those bass turdz killed my----“Zwhoinnnng! Montaigne drew his sword which was trembling with eagerness to split her vile tongue, and maybe send her looking for a Kung Fu orthodontist to boot. Montaigne was not a man to suffer fools....

Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 03:13 PM
by: thinking_thing
I bough before youre collcetiv grateness!

Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 03:33 PM
by: back_gammon
...Montaigne stood with a drawn sword.“What do you think Kung Fu is, Anna?” Montaigne turned to Hurley, who was now slumping against a tree, dropping into the bushes, woozy and going all geezerated from the blood sightation and of the stress. Montaigne sheathed his loins with a last glance at Anna and girded his steel sword “Hurley knows. He is a true warrior. He knows that the highest level of Kung Fu is the absence of the sword in both the heart and mind.” And with that, he leaped away, until even his rustling silk sound was gone. The eye of Anna was looking at the eye of Anna in her bleeding hands. Both still didn’t see the point of Montaigne that he made.“Hurley, what the heck did that guy just say?” She began to cry and snivel, still uncivil, and still a little, too full of self-entitlement, that Anna. “It makes no sense. Just one big box of stupid paradox.” Woozy and geezerating over his behind in the bushes, the seemingly endless patience of Hurley was about to be LOST….

Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 04:10 PM
by: kharmabites
Horribly funny stuff! I love it, like the kind of love the boy in 4th grade has for you, you know, the one who pulls your pigtails and winks at you love, not the kind of love the boy who wipes boogers in your hair has for you, no, that's just gross.

Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 04:47 PM
by: captainaeon
Charlie was dreaming he was on stage performing orally. Driveshaft throbbed rhymically, almost musically, as he opened his mouth to spew forth the torrent of lyrics that had been hiding behind his teeth and just below his tongue.Just another day, flying highThrough the blue and vastful skyThe future living in my eyeHow was I to know I soon would die?MONSTER EATS THE PILOT!!!The audience cheered with a moderate to high level of enthusiasm as the lead guitar erupted in a major squinch of music-like notes. Charlie smiled as he banged his Rickenbacker. This was the life...“WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!”Charlie opened his eyes to the smell of ocean waves and baby poo in his nose. “Dude, he needs changing. Again...” Hurley stood there with the squirming bundle of stink lines that was baby Aaron.“Where’s Claire?” Charlie asked with a question of inquisition. After all, this baby and, therefore, it’s stink lines did, after all, belong to her, after all.“She went to talk to Locke,” Hurley said. “I don’t think it’s supposed to be a secret. But sometimes it’s hard to tell. Maybe we should all start winking when we do something that someone else isn’t supposed to know. Like “I’m going to talk to Locke” (wink) would automatically mean it’s a secret. I think that would work out better than me just having to guess all the time what’s supposed to be a secret and what’s not supposed to be a secret. What do you think? Dude? Dude?”Charlie was already a quarter mile down the beach, headed for Locke’s Lodge...“So then I slit the boar’s throat. Blood must has spurted a good four feet!” Locke laughed. He never got tired of telling that story.Claire joined in his bemused amusement. There was something about this man. Creepy, yet enticing. Sort of like the smell of aged cheese...“So Claire,” Locke was saying. “You didn’t come all this way just to hear my boar story again. Why did you come?”“Yes, why?” Charlie jumped out from behind a shrub.Claire--startled at the jumping out of Charlie--gasped as with air. She felt guilty, yet she knew not why, what for or whatever. She felt she could not tell the truth of the situation. Not yet...“Um...I just needed to ask Locke’s advice. That dark-haired woman, the one who killed Shannon has been staring at me, and I wondered if I should say something to her.”Charlie heard Claire’s words and wanted to believe they were as true as non false ones could be. But he felt in his heart they were vastly unreal with a terrible fakeness. His anger burned inside him like a fiery fire of flame.Locke was answering Claire’s put forth query with a wisdom parable about a vole, a see-saw and can of green beans.But, perhaps, Charlie was wrong. Locke was a man. A man who knew stuff. People were always asking him (Locke, not Charlie) for saged advice. Was he (Charlie, not Locke) right to question Claire’s looking-up-to-ness of Locke?Charlie listened quietly, his anger squished down deep, deep inside so it could not squiggle out. At least, not yet. Not until he was ready to show what kind of person he was really made of. He was a man. A man who knew stuff.Just like John Locke...

Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 04:48 PM
by: back_gammon
...The legs of Hurley popped and cracked at the knuckles and gave a mighty push, like the coiled tension springs of ferocious pistons that drive big stuff in big engine shafts. But down in front he landed before Anna, soft as a feather pillow. The feelings of Hurley were furious! No way! Beyond furious!“Okay, Anna, you want to learn a Kung Fu stance, I’ll teach you a Kung Fu stance. The most powerful of all.” Hurley was seething. Raging like an 8-cylinder Taurus!Anna stopped sniveling. Taking a few steps back from her bloody palm, her eyeball dropped. The other eye stared, stunned into silence. Hurley had never been seen before this by her eyes like this. “Now pay attention!” Hurley roared. “This is the only Kung Fu you’ll ever need, cause if you master this, you won’t need any of the rest.” Hurley was off the chain! Rumble in the jungle! Both of the legs of Anna went all watery and wanted to run, but one after another they turned to face Hurley because of her making them. Quicker than a Cobra strike, Hurley stuck out his right hand and held it there in that position. He smiled in shy triumph.Anna stood stuck in her own stupid for a moment. Then she began to get it. She finally began to get it. And thus did one-eyed Anna leave behind on the jungle floor the eye with the moon in it. She smiled sort of shy-like and extended her own right hand.And thus did the mighty warrior, Hurley, begin to teach one-eyed Anna to shake hands in friendship, the most powerful Kung Fu stance of all, and the one that makes all the others unnecessary.

The End
(Sorry Anna haters. Even Evil Anna cannot withstand the powerful Kung Fu of the mighty warrior, Hurley.)

Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 04:54 PM
by: back_gammon
Locke was answering Claire’s put forth query with a wisdom parable about a vole, a see-saw and can of green beans.
LMAO! Please continue!

Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 04:55 PM
by: back_gammon
oopsie daisy! Double post.

Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 04:57 PM
by: captainaeon
And thus did the mighty warrior, Hurley, begin to teach one-eyed Anna to shake hands in friendship, the most powerful Kung Fu stance of all, and the one that makes all the others unnecessary.
BRAVO!!! WONDERFUL ENDING!!!I thought for a second there that Hurley was going to teach Ana 'Run Fu'...

Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 05:14 PM
by: back_gammon
'Run Fu'... LOL I wish I'd thought of that!
Thanks for saying nice stuff about the ending. I was worried because I know so many folks dislike Anna and probably want to see her get a smack down.

Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 05:17 PM
by: captainaeon
Thanks for saying nice stuff about the ending. I was worried because I know so many folks dislike Anna and probably want to see her get a smack down.
The woman ripped out her own eye!!! That was a pretty big smack, IMO!

Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 05:26 PM
by: captainsandwich
good stuff. you keep outdoing eachother.

Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 05:36 PM
by: captainaeon
good stuff. you keep outdoing eachother.
OUR BAD KNOWS NO LIMITS!!!

Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 06:44 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
OUR BAD KNOWS NO LIMITS!!!
I never realized how hard it was to write so badly.

Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 07:35 PM
by: LIONARTist
I never realized how hard it was to write so badly.
It has always come easy for me.

Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 07:36 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
It has always come easy for me.
No need to brag.

Posted: Dec 11 2005 @ 07:44 PM
by: captainsandwich
can someone write a story titled Sun Burn, about Sun. not enough Sun stories.

Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 05:51 AM
by: LIONARTist
SUN BURN by LIONARTist
Chapter 1
Sun sat on the sandy gritty beach, washing her clothes on a very sandy gritty rock that was half submerged in the sandy gritty salty ocean by the beach, which was littered with literally billions and billions of grains of sand. She dipped each article of clothing, one by one in the surf and thought to herself, "I wonder why I always smell like salty ocean perch?".Then she broke wind. "Phew! I'm glad no one's around to smell that one", she thought out loud to a seagull flying by.Just then, she passed gas again. It was a robust blast which burned a little. The seagull fell from the sky."Must be those mangos", she thought.She put away her wash and turned to walk jovially back to camp, when she heard a roaring sound from the jungle to her right. It started off low and slowly built to a thunderous chorus of gurgles and blasts.Hurley walked out of the trees from the direction that the noise came from in that vicinity of which it eminated."Sorry", he said. "It must be those dang mangos".Many plants and shrubs were turning greyish brown behind him and insects scurried in all directions.Meanwhile, at the same time, on another part of the sandy gritty beach, Charlie was helping Claire feed Aaron. "You'd better take him now" Charlie exclaimed with great reservations, "My nibbles are getting sore"."Okay", the young mother said. There was a subtle hint of bedraggled inconsequence in her voice. Then suddenly, she floated an air biscuit."Whoa!" Charlie shouted. "I'm blind! I'm blind!""Must be the mangos", thought Claire.Chapter 2 will be coming as soon as I can get it out.

Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 06:59 AM
by: libbyrocks05

Found this on a fan site....not my writing.....yikes...

Bama opened her eyes. Her breathing was rapid but she seemed to be ok. The last thing she remembers was being in a cage and eyeing the yellow lab across the cargo hold. She was sure he was looking at her too. She sniffed the air. She could smell him. Not to bad she thought. If only I was closer....Her thoughts were rattled by the turbulence of the plane. She was up on all fours now whimpering softly. She looked at the yellow lab. His beautiful brown eyes were full of fear and he too was on all fours. He kind of looked like he'd just spotted a duck or something and she cocked her head in wonder. Suddenly, it was chaos. The cages were sliding back and forth, suitcases flying, the plane jumping wildly. The tail section fell off...she cried out...she was falling. She could no longer see the yellow lab. Splash. Darkness.Bama lifted her head and looked around. She was lying on the beach. She wasn’t sure how she got out of her cage but why question fate. She slowly tried to stand but was weak and wobbly. She took a step and whimpered loudly. Her right paw was hurt. It must have gotten cut as she was escaping her cage. She licked it gently. With her 3 good legs she hopped over to the tree line and laid down in the shade as she was hot from the sun and come to think of it she was a bit hungry too. Her thoughts went back to the yellow lab. Her eyes scanned what she could see of the beach. Nothing. She was alone and that thought did not bode well. She woke hours later to a stick snapping. Her ears perked up and the hair on her hackles stood on end. Something was out there. Bama let out a small growl to warn any oncoming danger that she was not about to go down without a fight. Her eyes looked deep into the jungle and she caught sight of a yellow blob bouncing toward her. She blinked to focus and growled again. The blob stopped. It was very cautious. Its tongue was hanging out and it was panting. A dopey look of "ruh?" was on its face and she relaxed as the yellow lab slowly approached her. She sniffed the air and found familiarity in the wind. It was the other dog from the plane. He nuzzled her head and she was glad to have company. She licked his face and he lay down beside her. Bama saw his collar. His tag said his name was Vincent. "Some ride, huh?" She said shyly.Vincent looked at her. "Yes. Were you scared?"She wanted to say 'What do you think?' but thought better of it and just said "Very. What happened?"Vincent cocked his head again. He didn’t know either and if he could have shrugged his shoulders he would have. He could only say, "I don’t know, but it wasn’t good."Bama licked her paw again. It was really hurting now. "Nasty gash you got there. Does it hurt?"Bama cocked her head as if to say "DUH?" then went back to licking her wound. "My names Bama." She offered. "Vincent." "I know I saw your tag. Why were you on the plane?"

Ok more later.And remember folks.. I'm not an English major.

Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 07:05 AM
by: captainsandwich
Chapter 2 will be coming as soon as I can get it out.
ah the fart story. is there anything better?

Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 07:11 AM
by: LIONARTist
SUN BURN
Chapter 2
Sun heard Charlie screaming through his throat area as if he were a fire engine going to a four-alarm fire with hoses blasting and the siren going woo-wooo.She dropped her smelly fish laundry and paused. She strained a little and out came a butt-burp. "Mangos", she thought.Then she ran towards the wailing Charlie, letting out tiny short poots as she ran. "Poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot"It was about 40 yards."Poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot-poot""Only about 35 yards left", Sun mused."Poot-poot-poot-poot-poot........"Finally she reached the gritty sandy spot where Claire stood and Charlie laid, flailing about like a tuna on one of those big commercial tuna boats after it had been caught and thrown onto the deck and was dying."What happened here, you two nice but stupid people?" asked Sun."It was the mangos" stated Claire. "Charlie's being such a big baby"."Look" Claire continued, "It doesn't bother Aaron. He hasn't uttered two peeps of a lambs tail. Aaron? Aaron? Damn those mangos".She quickly gave her unconcious baby mouth-to-mouth recessa... ressess....recassita.......CPR."Mommy's sorry" she told her recovering birth child of love.Sun shouted for her to run get Jack. Charlie was bleeding from the eyeball sockets. As Claire ran away, short little rump trumpets began to sound."Toot-toot-toot-toot-toot......"

Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 07:14 AM
by: libbyrocks05
SUN BURN 2 is just GENIUS!!!! Do you have your PhD in English? You are amazing!!!!

Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 07:22 AM
by: back_gammon
Congratulations to LIONARTist for reaching deep intoot his gut, pulling out all the stops, and finding the literary intestinal fortitude toot take the thread toot new depths of badness! The limbo bar has gone so low it is now buried in the ground!

Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 07:25 AM
by: captainsandwich
SUN BURNChapter 2."Toot-toot-toot-toot-toot......"
excellent, might I add:Clare, "I gave birth, that is pain. You have indigestion. Quit your complaining." Charlie replies, "I am giving birth to a baby myself here Clare, take a look at that thing that I just dropped on the beach. I am going to name the bloody thing Brutus."

Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 08:11 AM
by: back_gammon
My apologies for this being written rather straightforward. No time to run it through the modifier mangler this morning.

Sun Burns Out

Sun stood in the shower washing off Fifi Velour’s heavy stage makeup. Fifi Velour was the stage name Sun used to disguise her identity when she danced lunch hour gigs at the topless joint. She needed a disguise because it would be a toss up as to who would kill her first if they ever found out, Jin or her father. But Jin was gone most of the time working for her father, and her father almost never ventured out of the private world of luxury, privilege, murder, and mayhem he had built up around himself, and Sun needed something to keep herself busy. She could only study English, shop at fine stores everywhere, and putter about doing indoor herb gardening for so many hours a day. No. That’s a lie. She did it because she liked it. But which part? The pole dancing itself, or having a secret life that her husband and father didn’t know about? Out in the living room, Bo-po was barking his little wrinkled head off. That must be Jin, home early from his latest strong arming assignment. Yes, she knew all about it. She wasn’t stoopid, you know. Sun turned off the water in the shower. Oh no! Sun realized she had left Fifi Velour’s pink suede gee-string and break-away black leather bustier lying on the floor of the bedroom…


Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 08:15 AM
by: LostMyMindAgain
See Jack HealHeal, Jack. Heal!See Kate Run.Run, Kate. Run!See Hurley Eat.Eat, Hurley. Eat!See Sun Sow.Sow, Sun. Sow!See Sawyer Sweat.Sweat, Sawyer. Sweat!See Jin Grin.Grin, Jin. Grin!See Claire change a diaper.Change, Claire. Change!See Charlie sing.Sing, Charlie. Sing!See Boone Decompose.Rot, Boone. Rot!See Shannon sleep.Sleep, Shannon. Sleep!See Sayid torture Ana-Lucia!Torture, Sayid. Torture!See Micheal lose control of his bowels over seeing someone type on the computer in the hatch.Sh*t, Micheal. Sh*t!


Posted: Dec 12 2005 @ 08:18 AM
by: back_gammon
…Sun jumped out of the shower, grabbing a towel, and slipped and skidded across the bathroom floor and out into the bedroom where the thick carpet caught her toe and she began to fall. Jin caught her in his arms, smiling that rakish smile of his. “You’re so happy to see me you almost break your neck rushing to greet me?” His eyes twinkled while he tenderly stroked her soft damp neck, but there was something else there, too. Something dangerous that sent a shiver through her.Sun smiled her warmest and gave Jin a big hug. Around his shoulder her eyes quickly scanned the floor. Fifi Velour’s work outfit was nowhere to be seen…Sun could feel her heart pounding. Had Jin found the trashy strip apparel? Where was it? Jin leaned down to catch Sun’s mouth in a kiss. From the living room, Bo-po started to bark again. Then came the sound of the doorbell. Jin shrugged, gave Sun’s bare shoulder a playful nip, and walked out of the bedroom and toward the front door.Sun tightened the towel about her and quickly searched the bedroom and bathroom. Where was it? How could a pink suede g-string and black leather bustier just vanish into thin air? A frisson of panic shot through her. From the living room came the sound of her father’s voice. He and Jin were talking in low tones, too low for her to understand what they were saying. Suddenly she heard her husband’s voice, raised to a shout...