LIONARTist Big Idea Page 6

Posted: Dec 09 2005 @ 03:45 PM
by: Hatchcrazy
"He masticated again and again."--that is great. I forgot about that word.
MeSlap- thanks, I know it's pretty disjointed but it was fun to write!

Posted: Dec 09 2005 @ 03:57 PM
by: 042078
He masticated again and again
Read Everything Is Illuminated recently?

Posted: Dec 09 2005 @ 04:02 PM
by: back_gammon
Hatch, (and everybody) I've been so busy writing I haven't stopped to compliment your work, even though I've been reading it and laughing out loud all the way. Great stuff. The more disjointed the better!

Posted: Dec 09 2005 @ 04:13 PM
by: back_gammon
...“Yes, that’s right. You have eaten dozens of these special Himalayan poison worms. The only way to avoid dying is to submit to our training and become the secret Kung Fu Master, Shaolin Sawyer, you were meant to be by destiny.” Both voices of Marshall Artz and Darlin’ Beautiful’ came from behind. The eyes of Sawyer watched the cave whirl and go dim. “Why? What….destiny…what.....” “Because the book you have seen, your destiny brings.” Coming around, Sawyer was seated on a large-bottomed patient commode like in nursing homes. Relieving to find, his eyes saw there was a seat belt contraption and some straps to hold. Wondering how long had he been there, he couldn’t decide for his legs were numb..“Sawyer! Come have your nutrition!” That was Marshall Artz, barking at him from another room. “Come. Hurry. Today we have our special one half-Southern pan fried chicken.”Thus did Sawyer’s training begin. He carried buckets of water up thousands of steps. He stood on one leg on upended logs for hours at a time. He jumped, leaped, rolled, punched, kicked, and spun, as days, weeks, and months passed. Days. Weeks. Months. Ha! His training was just beginning.But all the while, Sawyer was planning his escape. For he did not believe in destiny…

Posted: Dec 09 2005 @ 04:33 PM
by: LIONARTist
Kenny pulled back the blood-soaked linens of his hospital bed to reveal that his legs had been surgically replaced with Tickle Me Elmo dolls. "Gasp!" He gasped. His mind became a whirlwind of screaming phantasms and Insane gurgling noises emenated from the esophagus of him. "What hath thou done to me, oh evil scientist?!!!!"Kenny had it in his mind that he was The Mighty Thor, ever since the third grade, when he was hit on the head by his friend Hootie's Nerf armoire.He had seen floaters and was sure that they were the Asgardian pixies, coming to transform his DNA into that of the Norse god.Now Kenny's mind reeled from the sheer unbelievability of the events that had transpired since he boarded flight 815 from Sydney to Los Angeles.When he first woke up on the beach, he felt a pain in his colon. "Too much cheese on that in flight meal", he thought to himself as he mouthed the words. "If only there were some roughage or wild prunes to consume. If only I could find some Muselex amongst the luggage. If only Dawn had not abandoned Tony Orlando." His mind was racing.Kenny leapt to his knees and then leapt again to his ankles, and finally, leapt a third time to his feet. Even though many of his fellow survivors were hurt and begging for help, Kenny could only think of one thing, and one thing only, which was the only one thing that was on his mind at the moment...and that was purging his intestinal tract and letting loose the fowl nemesis that was attacking his lower digestive system.Hurriedly, he scurried past the murky churning purple ferns. He stumbled and bumbled into the jumbled jungle, until at last he was past the vast chasm of gas.Kenny looked around and as he did so, he felt another twinge of the unwieldy pressure."CURSE THEE, OH EXCREMENTAL WASTE AND YOUR PRAERIE DOGGING FURY!" Kenny cried.He reached for his trouser button to unhinge his pants, and as he did so, he suddenly felt the same stinging sensation that he felt in 3rd grade. Kenny managed to get one word out before blacking out. "Hootie?" And now he was sitting in a bed, in what seemed to be an underground laboratory. His lower limbs vibrating and laughing, as if they were mocking him in his pitiful state. "What cruel fate? What ghastly circumstance? What hath the Gods wrought?" questioned Kenny."What morbid doom. What despicable transpirations. What a waste of two perfectly good Tickle me Elmos."Kenny try to leap to his knees. But the vibrating of the Elmos was driving him insane. Slowly he slid off the side of the bed. The darkness was impenetrable. He gazed around and looked at all the stuff. There was alot of stuff. Medical looking stuff, scientific-looking stuff, and alot of mad-scientific-looking stuff too. There was reeeeeallly a helluva lotta stuff."Gee whizeth!" Kenny exclaimed. Then he died.A strange figure stepped out of the shadows.He called out to his huge and gigantic henchman. "Fernando! Get me another subject!" he said with a wry smile and a pumpernickle twinkle in his eyes."This time we'll try Cookie Monsters".

Posted: Dec 09 2005 @ 05:16 PM
by: Lost_SoccerGirl23a
Charlie was a git and he knew it. Knew it deep down in the recesses of his mangy mind. Bloody rock-god had fallen and fallen hard. Fallen, like his arches. Now he had to wear Scholls’ arch supports in his poncy shoes. He shook himself from his reverie and looked askance at Claire.Claire walked away, quickly. Quickly, like her boyfriend left her pregnant and alone. The little runt wouldn’t leave her alone. He kept taking off with her baby. One day he took Turniphead without telling her and she was forced to run around screaming, “A wacko took my baaabyyy!”
now that, that is way bad, and apparentrly you must hate charlie, i like charlie, he's nice, you, youy are not nice j/k but i think you are prejudice against charlie! noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo that is not good that is baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad

Posted: Dec 09 2005 @ 08:09 PM
by: back_gammon
He masticated again and again Read Everything Is Illuminated recently?
I don't know it. Is it a book or a thread title?

Posted: Dec 09 2005 @ 08:19 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
Holy crap, Ricky!! ROTFLMAO!!!

Posted: Dec 09 2005 @ 08:27 PM
by: hurleys_girl
and now a werd from our spawnser:huked on fonix

Posted: Dec 09 2005 @ 08:33 PM
by: mistressshake
*goes to look up masticated*

Posted: Dec 09 2005 @ 09:12 PM
by: back_gammon
...Today was a little ceremony in the secret cave of the graduation of him and his training. After passing all of the progressively brutal physical and mental tests, the teachers congratulated the pupil. In honor of graduating, Sawyer was receiving a gift. Manufactured in Japan, Sawyer was thrilled with the fine quality of his new steel sword. Know your destiny. Guard it for life.These words were inscribed on the hilt. The two teachers smiled. It was the first time Sawyer’s eyes saw Darlin’ Beautiful smile. In a yellow silk flowing robe, Sawyer was camptivated by the beauty of her. He offered a ripe mango to the woman that he had been carrying around in his pocket for the last week. And for Marshall Artz, another mango. There was some more masticating, but mostly just swallowing, because the mangoes were soft soft soft and ripe ripe ripe.“Another day, another man-go.” Smirked Sawyer’s thoughts. But I’m the man whose going to go. With each mouthful of the poisoned mangoes, Sawyer’s escape plan got closer and more real. One more bite for each one and he---

Posted: Dec 09 2005 @ 09:51 PM
by: back_gammon
...He spun and leaped through the air and out of the cave. The long yellow flowing robe of Sawyer that he wore rustled and made that sound like the wings of birds. The graduation sword of finest steel felt good strapped as it was to his lower waistline and hip and pelvis area.by a red sashing and did not impede his abilities to spinning and leaping as if unfettered by the rules of normal physics and gravitational.He was free! He wanted to try tip-toeing across the tree tops like Chow Yun-Fat, but decided to save it for later. OH NO! His ears heard Marshall Artz and Darlin’Beautiful close behind him as their silk flapped and rustled too. The mangoes didn’t do the trick. The powers of their Kung Fu was being stronger than the imagination of Sawyer could imagine. OH! The mighty thighs of Sawyer bunched and leaped, higher than he’d ever bunched before. The toes of Sawyer felt for a palm frond. Chow Yun-Fat time, ready or not. He missed! Falling! Falling! Falling! A wildly colored parrot in the tree squawked, and after squawking and screaming fiercely, Sawyer raced off in terror on the ground grabbing the hilt of the sword.Know your destiny. Guard it for life.Grabbing the sword, the words on the hilt was burning his palm. He screamed and let it go and his neck turned down to watch it slide back into the scabbard. Marshall Artz and Darlin’ Beautiful were so close now he could feel their breath on his neck. Hot breath. Hot. Like it or not...

Posted: Dec 09 2005 @ 09:53 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
BG, can you work me into the story as Sawyer's love interest?

Posted: Dec 09 2005 @ 11:15 PM
by: back_gammon
BG, can you work me into the story as Sawyer's love interest?
Oh, sorry, not this time. I just finished the last little chapter. If I'd known sooner, I could have done so. Sorry. Maybe for another story, perhaps.

Posted: Dec 09 2005 @ 11:35 PM
by: back_gammon
...Sawyer’s back was cornered, no way around it. His hand hurt from grabbing the hilton the sword. It burned like fire. His thighs hurt from all that bunching and leaping. And his heart hurt, to tell the truth. Know your destiny. Guard it for life.He shook his burning hand and looked at. In his palm, now, the words inscribed on the sword hilt were burned in for life. Sawyer slumped down. Defeated at last. Scarred by destiny, he had no choice but to accept it. And once he accepted it, he had no choice but to guard it. It was what it was. And he was what he was, only different now. His heart didn’t hurt anymore.With ginger, he pulled the sword from the scabbard with his other hand. He looked at the steel blade. The long fine steel and noticed something he hadn’t seen before. Another inscription.Destiny will find you on the road you take to avoid it. Moving away and growing ever fainter, the ears of Sawyer heard the sound of rustling silk, until the sound grew so faint it was gone. Inscribed by the finest steel, Sawyer began to make his way back to the beach. Arriving back at his love shack, nothing had changed much, just a layer of dust. The book was still on the bed he was reading before he left. The Lost Kung Fu“Hi Sawyer, glad to see you!” It was Slappy, beating out Kate to be the first to greet Sawyer and welcome him back, popping her head by. “What’s that?” Sawyer handed the book to the woman that he found lying on the bed covered with dust. When opened, a snapshot fell out. Sawyer, Marshall Artz, and Darlin’ Beautiful.Slap's hands bent at the waist and picked up the picture. Her eyes zoomed to the writing on the back: “With love to Shaolin Sawyer, forged in steel, enscribed by destiny.”
The End

LOL, Slap, I worked you in at the last minute doing the part that was written for kate. If you don't like it I'll change it back to kate.

Posted: Dec 09 2005 @ 11:38 PM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
BG! Love it. Just remember, Sawyer loves me not Kate. That bending my hands at my waist is so me...how'd you know?

Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 12:08 AM
by: back_gammon
Well, I figured since Sawyer can squint at the waist, like he did earlier in the story... LOLGlad you enjoyed.

Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 08:06 AM
by: LIONARTist
The reviews for Backgammon's SHAOLIN SAWYER are out and THE CRITICS ALL AGREE!"A literary triumph in destiny's children." - LIONARTist of the ABC LOST Boards"An excercise in Bunching and Masticating. A totally Heebie-Jeebie ride." - Doogie Howser, of the late TV show by the same name."I read it once and once was just too many times." - SpongeBob Squarepants, of The Bikini Bottom Sentinel"Bad writing has never been brought to the forefront of cleverity such as Backgammon has been able to bend at the neck and say stuff" - GW Bush, of the Daily Warmonger"I couldn't put it down. Some imbecile had put superglue on the book jacket" - Some guy in the B. Dalton bookstore in Halifax

Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 08:07 AM
by: LIONARTist
Holy crap, Ricky!! ROTFLMAO!!!
Yeeees. Crap indeed. The poopy joke is always an easy laugh. But that's me - easy.

Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 09:17 AM
by: MeSlapMeThrowRock
Greg let go of Marsha.

Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 09:27 AM
by: back_gammon
What lovely reviews! And a shout out to Doogie Howser - are you still tripping with Harold and Kumar at the White Castle? YO!

Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 11:03 AM
by: lucky4me8
Sayid applied pressure on the makeshift tweezers he’d fashioned from a hairpin filched from Shannon’s corpse. Gently he manipulated the tiny finial onto the edge of the 3-inch urchin-quill curtain rod that would frame the sumptuous bay window of the ½ inch scale miniature Edwardian hat shop he’d been crafting fastidiously in the seclusion of the tangled mandrake roots. Each tiny hat was a masterpiece, no bigger than the diameter of its circumference. He meticulously wedged a sparse plume into a scarlet fedora the size of a bottlecap when he felt it – the venomous, vascular sting of the injection. “What were you thinking?” Sayid heard as his mind struggled from the grotto of semi-consciousness. “That feather was from one of the carriers!” The French woman raised the voltage on the carburator thingy and zapped him again. “Idiot!”Sayid convulsed, straining in his shackles. “I had to forego period accuracy,” he yelped. “There’s not exactly an ostrich population on the island.” He looked around as his eyes adjusted to the darkness, taking in the enormous stalactites dripping from above. “Where am I?”“My temporary digs,” sighed Danielle, ducking to avoid a swooping marsupial. “I really miss the pit.”“We had some good times there, didn’t we?” Sayid smiled in spite of himself. He glanced at Danielle’s wistful expression. “I could build you a miniature replica.”“Would you, could you? It would mean so much,” Danielle came closer, stepping over wires criss-crossing across the cave.“I built an accurate model of Saddam’s bunker for the CIA,” said Sayid. “Quarter-inch scale, very precise.” Condescention dripped onto his sincere forehead. “Of course, I would need my hands.” “Could you have it ready in time for Christmas?” “It would be my pleasure,” said Sayid, furrowing his brow as he contemplated the minute Bouche de Noel he would leave on the tiny metal bed as a surprise. “But Danielle, I’ll need some supplies.”“Danielle?” the French woman started, jumping to her feet. “Ha! You might as well know, Danielle died in childbirth sixteen years ago. I buried her on the Cote Sauvage, in a shallow grave with Montaigne's arm. I’m her sister, Justine.” The strange, unkempt woman smiled shyly, then slyly removed her glass eye.

Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 01:13 PM
by: back_gammon
Each tiny hat was a masterpiece, no bigger than the diameter of its circumference. I love it! Ha! Very imaginative (and also quite believable) extension of my two favorite characters.

Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 01:35 PM
by: lucky4me8
Bg, you're the one who raised the bar and lowered the limbo stick...Ha!

Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 01:52 PM
by: back_gammon
wheeeeeee! Where's my calypso hat? Ha!

Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 04:15 PM
by: captainaeon
for bg--Ye angel descended fromst on high and fromst the heavens to tutal us in the ways of kung fu mastication! Nouns, verbalages and participular dangulationBe thy glorious instruments!Thwack mine head again!That I might beholdThy beautiousitudinous wordage!


Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 04:39 PM
by: back_gammon
Coming soon: Enter the Teeth of the DragonFrom the Teeth of Fury Ultimate Legends CollectionA Drunken Master Wu Tang Joint Production(Featuring a special guest appearance by Montaigne as the One Armed Swordsman.)

Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 04:45 PM
by: lucky4me8
May I reserve an advance (autographed) copy?

Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 05:26 PM
by: captainaeon
“Danielle?” the French woman started, jumping to her feet. “Ha! You might as well know, Danielle died in childbirth sixteen years ago. I buried her on the Cote Sauvage, in a shallow grave with Montaigne's arm. I’m her sister, Justine.” The strange, unkempt woman smiled shyly, then slyly removed her glass eye.
Great, lucky! But the question now becomes--is this thread big enough for 2 geniuseses of literal writing--you and bg???

Posted: Dec 10 2005 @ 05:31 PM
by: back_gammon
Enter the Teeth of the Dragon

The teeth of Anna were becoming in handy as coconut openers at the little joint opened up by her for making a living purposes. Anna’s Alibi Inn. Still not accepted by the beach livers, the eyes of Anna was always crying on the side which no one could see.Down the beach, the smiling lips of Rose and Bernard were standing and watching hand in hand as Vincent and toddler Aaron played. Anna turned her eyes away not to be looking.Anna’s teeth earned a little on the side, too. Working for Dr. Jack, tonsillectomies were being done all the routine time without the benefit package of anesthesia. Just one kiss by Anna – no more tonsils.Shaolin Sawyer was strolling toward the joint holding hands with Slappy of which Anna was proprietress of. A crush was had on Shaolin Sawyer by Anna’s heart. But no matter how lonely, fearing disaster her crush never developed anywhere. Between her tonsillectomizing teeth, and his reputation of mastication, that was an accident to be avoided from all angles. But Anna wanted something else from the tall, lean, well-bunched man…